Ephemeral

Chapter 16

"Take it, darling." Poppy said as she put her hand on my shoulder. "Think about yourself for once and see how far it takes you." She smiled before looking down at her flashing pager and disappearing down the hallway.

I scrunched up the acceptance letters in my hands and shoved it back into my backpack. Earlier this morning I received four letters in the mail, four acceptance letters from the four colleges I had applied to back in September. The ones furthest away from this shit hole.

The only reason I chose to go for them was because I genuinely hoped that mom would be fine by the time it came to leaving. I thought she'd have mentally healed enough to come with me. We both would move far away from this place filled with nightmares.

I guess I was wrong. All it took was one interaction with him and she relapsed. Does it make me selfish for expecting more from her? Does it make me selfish for wishing she'd have left him the second he looked at me like I was a piece of gum on the bottom of his shoe? Does it make me selfish for wanting her to put her foot down and leave, not just for me but for her too?

Sighing, I put on the same smile that's always plastered on my face and walked into her room. There she was, staring at the wall looking as lost as ever. I closed my eyes for a couple seconds before closing the door behind me and walking further into the room.

"Hi mom." I said as I stood a couple feet in front of her.

"Get out." She whispered under her breath as I counted to ten in my head.

"How's your day been today?" I asked.  I know not to push her. I know that I need to leave her alone when she gets like this. But I can't help it.

"I said get out." She said as she clenched her fists. "Get out!" She said as she got up and yelled in my face.

"Okay, I'll leave. Why don't you sit back down, yeah?" I said softly as I took a step back.

She was glaring at me as though I was her worst enemy, as though she would kill me on the spot right then and there.

"You're the reason he left me! Get out! Get out! Get out!" She yelled as she caught me off guard and threw her bedside lamp at my head.

I felt my ears ring the second it came in contact with my head and shattered into pieces. The door flew open as I stumbled back and watched a bunch of nurses rush inside. Two of them lead me out while four more tried to calm mom down. I should've stayed back. I should've left her the first time. This is the first time she's ever been violent.

"I'm fine." I whispered, not quite trusting my own voice.

One of the nurses shone a bright light in my eyes immediately causing me to look away. She frowned at the cut on my head and started cleaning it up, offering me her hand to squeeze if I needed to.

"You don't need stitches but it's still a nasty cut." She said as I clenched my fists at the burning pain shooting through my skull. "I'm sorry about that, darl. She's been like that for the last couple days but we're not quite sure why." She sighed as she leaned over and grabbed a large white bandage and stuck it to my head. I probably look like a freak.

"It's fine." I said as I cleared my throat and stood up, ignoring the slight dizziness.

"Sit down, honey. I'll get you some water first." She said sternly before rushing out of the room.

I didn't bother staying and instead I grabbed my backpack off the floor and left the room. Turning to my left, I looked through the square window in the door and saw a bunch of doctors talking in her room. I contemplated whether or not I should talk to them and immediately decided against it.