Change Can Be Good

12) Sleep

Y/n's POV

Zayn and Louis had just dragged Liam out of the green room to continue their show. I had passed out, side stage and now the boys had found out I was starving myself. Feeling both embarrassed and ashamed I had kept my mouth shut.

"Y/n?" Paul spoke to me softly, moving to sit on the couch directly opposite me.

Ignoring him, I kept my head down and my hands tightly gripped on the apple juice.

"The boys are gone Y/n, it's just you and me."

I looked up at Paul, tears staining my face. This was pathetic. In the past two months I have spent more time crying than I would like. I never cry and yet the people I least wanted to see me cry have seen me be nothing but weak.

"Why are you starving yourself?" Paul's voice was calm and it almost felt comforting.

"Because." I responded bluntly.

He didn't deserve the attitude and I didn't mean to give him any. But I was so tired and run down that I couldn't control my emotions. Which is a result of the fact that I've been starving myself.

"That's not a proper answer Y/n." Paul gave me a look.

Knowing that I couldn't avoid the inevitable I decided to just bite the bullet. I knew that I could trust Paul anyway.

"Because I'm a loser." I muttered hoping that by some miracle Paul wouldn't hear me.

"Who said that? You spoke with Liam and I about ignoring the mean fans, they're just jealous." Paul had heard me.

"It wasn't a fan." I blurted out before Paul could say anymore.

Yes, some fans were mean. Yes, I had spoken to Paul and Liam about ignoring the hate. Yes, I still read the comments sometimes. Yes, that can make me upset. And yes, I know they say it out of jealousy. But this time the comment came from someone I cared about. Someone I consider family.

"Who?" Paul asked me, acting on his parental instinct.

"Louis. He didn't directly call me a loser but he still said it." I mumbled.

"When? And why?" The tour manager wanted answers.

"He said that anyone who eats the trendiest food of all time is a loser. It was the first thing I had actually eaten for breakfast since before we left London!" I began to cry freely now.

"Oh Y/n." Paul joined me on the couch I was sitting on and pulled me into a hug.

"You are not a loser. You can eat whatever food you like, and if anyone's a loser, it's Louis."

I giggled at the last part.

"There's that gorgeous smile." Paul chuckled at my happiness.

"Now you Missy, are probably very hungry. How about we go see catering and see if we can't find you something yummy to eat, hey?" Paul suggested and I quickly took him up on the offer.

Catering was able to make me a ham and cheese toasted sandwich, which I ate and swallowed down with the rest of my apple juice.

"Thanks Paul."

"Anytime. Now how about we ditch the end of the concert and tuck you into your bunk on the bus. How you have managed to survive these long days without any fuel, I'll never know." Paul smiled and led me out of the arena and to the private parking lot.

----

When we were back on the bus I pulled out a fresh pair of pajamas and went to the mini bathroom to get changed. I brushed my teeth and pulled my hair into a loose messy bun before going through my skin care routine, which is very important. I wore my pair of navy blue and white silk pajamas that Liam had bought me for Christmas last year, they were my favorite pair of pajamas that I owned.

Paul was sitting in the front lounge of the bus and I could hear him talking into his radio. I felt guilty for making him leave the boys and taking care of me instead. When he saw me he quickly turned the radio off and turned his full attention to me.

"I'm gonna head straight to bed." I yawned.

I was definitely tired and passing out only drained the last of my energy.

"Okay. Well if you're alright by yourself I'm going to head back into the arena."

"I'll be fine. Thanks for everything Paul."

"Of course Y/n/n. Anytime." Paul smiled before he left me and I tucked myself into bed.

----

After Paul had left and I was comfortably in my bunk I just scrolled through social media and watched funny cat videos. That was until I heard the boys enter the bus. The show must have ended.

"Paul said Y/n is back here on the bus. He even managed to get her to eat a sandwich." I heard Liam telling the other boys as they made their way through the bus.

They were almost at the bunks. My curtain was drawn so they couldn't see me but I knew they were going to come and talk to me so I rolled onto my side and closed my eyes shut, pretending to be asleep.

"Y/n?" I heard Liam call for me.

"Y/n/n? We're back, the show finished." Harry called for me too.

"Look, she's in her bunk." I heard Niall exclaim.

Here goes nothing. I made sure that I slowed my breathing and looked like I really was sleeping.

"Maybe she has headphones in." Zayn said next.

Then I heard the distinct sound of someone pulling back my curtain. Which then resulted in Liam hushing the boys.

"She's asleep. We need to be extra quiet when we get ready for bed tonight. I don't want to risk waking her up, she needs all the sleep she can get." I heard my brother tell the other boys before someone pulled my curtain closed again.

Thankful that I had avoided having to talk to the boys, I kept my eyes closed and let myself fall asleep. Liam was right, after today I really did need all the sleep I could get.