Midnight City (boyxboy)

|Six: Thinking 'Bout You|

When someone dies, it's hard for you to believe that they're really gone. Are they actually gone, or are they watching over you as an angel in heaven? Do they become a ghost, silently living among the rest of the world, watching their family and friends go on with their lives? Or do you just die? Is that it? Are you really just gone forever, no final goodbye, no closure or afterlife?

These were all questions Sam asked himself during the days following Cassius' death. He didn't understand why it was hitting him so hard, but he felt this deep loss inside of him. It felt as though someone had reached into his chest and ripped his heart out of his body. Maybe it was because he was the one who found him there, watched him lose his breath and feel his nonexistent pulse. Sam was there when the boy took his final breath, so perhaps that was the reason he took it so hard.

Not only that, there was no word of a funeral, no service or gathering in his memory. It was as though he had never even lived. According to Theo, Cassius' family were very non-traditional when it came to both life and death. They didn't celebrate birthdays, Christmas or funerals. That was okay, every family was different, but to completely disregard the boy's death was inhumane in Sam's eyes.

As he pulled the bed covers further over his tired body, he shut his eyes and tried to think about something- someone- else. However it was impossible since he felt it was his fault. Maybe if he'd reacted quickly enough, performed CPR like he was supposed to, Cassius would still be alive. It was so unusual, the way he just dropped dead like that.

A knock at his door interrupted his swirling thoughts, and he inwardly groaned as the door opened a moment later despite the person not having his permission to enter. Hesitantly, he poked his head out from under the sheets, seeing Nick stood in the doorway with an unreadable expression on his features.

"Hey," He quietly spoke, afraid that Sam would snap at him if he exceeded a certain volume. He was very worried, as he'd never seen Sam act this way before. Normally he was good in a crisis situation, keeping his emotions at bay and keeping calm. However in this case, the death of a boy he hardly knew had completely destroyed him.

Ignoring him, Sam shuffled under the covers and faced away from him, hiding his face. Sighing loudly, his friend walked further into his small bedroom and frowned at the uneaten food left on his bedside table. Next to the filled plate was the boy's phone, the one he had been ignoring all of his friends' texts on.

When the others found out about Cassius' death, they were shocked but didn't take it too hard, only having met him once. However what they were surprised to hear was just how badly Sam was handling the situation. It was unlike their friend to be so effected by something like this, as harsh sounding as it was, Sam was not the most emotionally available person on the planet.

Perhaps it was something to do with losing his mother at such a young age. The only family he was close to was his dad, so he never really had to care about the deaths of distant relatives or family friends, because he just didn't really have any.

"How are you doing?" Nick asked softly, not expecting a response from the boy at all. "Maddison said you've been calling into work sick. It's been two weeks, Sam. It wasn't your fault."

Deep down Sam knew it wasn't his fault. Theo said it was a heart attack, the result of a rare condition that he had inherited from a previous generation in his family. Apparently it wasn't a shock to them, knowing it could have happened at any moment. Though the news should have comforted him, it just made him feel worse about everything.

Finally he sat up and faced Nick, who just stared at him like a lost puppy. In reality, what could Nick do? He had no idea why his friend was acting this way, taking everything so hard and feeling as though it was his fault. He knew Cassius just as well as the rest of them, and they had all moved on. Even Theo, his supposed best friend was doing just fine, acting completely unaffected by his death despite losing someone so close to him.