Lemon Cake

Ten Years and Eight Months Ago

Stupid girl. Stupid, stupid girl. Her psyche had been berating her ever since those two bars formed on the pregnancy test. She took it just to prove her worries wrong after Brianna jokingly alluded to the fact while she was gagging in a plastic bag outside of Walmart. She knew her queasy stomach and frequent dashes to the nearest trash can were just a bad case of stomach flu. So, she didn't fret her roommate's statement and she laughed it off but that was a week ago. Then when she checked her calendar she realized she was two weeks late. She hoped it was just stress from a difficult round of midterms, late-night studying, juggling a day relationship. A relationship that resulted in copious conversations and equal amounts of sex. Sex that had been safe except for one night.

Stupid girl, one slip up is enough. I hope it felt good because now you're pregnant. Stupid, stupid girl.

Tulip burrowed her head deeper in the pillow that smelled of him or was it the hoodie she hid in. She couldn't differentiate. He's aroma enveloped her which was understandable since she was in his room. She showed up there a day ago, teary-eyed and distraught. Not much had changed in twenty-four hours. If she wasn't asleep, tears streamed down her face. She had missed up. She had destroyed her life. She had derailed her plans.

"I got you some stuff," Jasper exclaimed as he strolled in the room. The bed dipped as he sat on the bed. "Chips because I read salt helps with morning sickness. I also got some Saltines because the lady at the store—"

"The lady?" She interjected, quickly sitting up. "You told someone—" Her voice broke from the fresh round of tears that flooded from her eyes.

"Beautiful, she didn't ask me who I was buying it for." He soothingly stroked her knee. "It's going to be okay."

"No, it's not." She cried loudly, shaking her head weakly. "Not for me. I'll be dandy for you because you're not knocked up." She seethed the phrase with vitriol. "I'm the one that'll have to waddle around campus like a disgrace." She dropped her face in her palms. "I'm so stupid. I'm going to let everyone down. My grandmama and Wil..." Her voice trailed off.

She couldn't finish his name. Just the mere thought of telling him she made the very mistake he warned her about and the mini-lesson he gave her about safe sex that made her cringe at the time. She was fourteen. It was understandable but thinking back she wished she would've held back laughter and took it more seriously.

"Tulip," He sang her name like it was a lullaby that would ease her strife and usually it worked but this wasn't a simple, 'take a nap and wake up with a clear mind and everything would be fine' type of problem. There was a baby growing in her and it'll be there for nine months and need so much more than she could give once it came it the world.

He scooted over to her, pulling her into her body and enveloping her tired, weary from within the comforting shelter of his arms.

"You're not alone." He kissed the top of her head, still sheathed with a yellow scarf. "We are going to be walking through campus."

She gripped his shirt, "I can't do this." She sniffed. "I can't be a mom. It's not time. I'm not ready." She pulled away from him, wiping the tears away with the sleeve of the collegiate hoodie. "Babies are expensive. They need time, money; two things we don't have a lot of."

"So...what." He inhaled deeply as if the words he was thinking caused him pain. "You don't want it."

"No." She shook her head. "I don't"

He flinched like she had punched him in the gut. "You want an abortion."

"No." She refuted quickly. "I'm not ready for this." She gestured to her stomach. "But It's still family and I...don't have much of that. I just can't...." She shrugged weakly. "I can't be pregnant but it's already happened. Babies are adopted quickly, right?"

The tightness in Jasper's face slacked as he took a deep breath. "I'm not a specialist but I think so."

"What do you think?" She fiddled with the hoodie sleeves. "Is adoption a good idea?"

"Whatever you decide it what we'll do."

"Yeah."

"Yes." He nodded, claiming her hand in his. "I love you. I love us and we'll get through this." He pulled her back to him and wrapped his arms around her once more. "We'll find our baby a nice family and we'll be okay. We'll get through this."

She hugged him tightly, "You're sure?"

"Yes, TC." He lifted her chin and kissed her damp lips. "We made a mistake but we have our entire lives to work it out."

Her mouth curved in a slight smile, it was the biggest she could make it for pain and regret still resigned in her. "We will?"

"You have my heart, Tulip." He caressed her dewy cheek. "We most definitely will." He placed a sweet kiss on her forehead and then asked. "So, do you want the chips or not."

"I always want chips. It's up to this one." She guested to her stomach. "You know if I wear your hoodie everywhere no one will ever know I'm pregnant."

His eyebrows drew together. "You're not telling Brianna."

"We're doing an adoption." She said grabbing the bag of chips. "It'll be less heartbreak and explaining if no one else knows." She held up a big chip and said. "Here goes," before popping it in her mouth.

And there it was. The biggest decision she ever made and the beginning of the end of her relationship. 

Why do you think this was the 'beginning of the end' for their relationship?