Empty {D.Gray-man}

Empty ~ 4

Allen was quiet. Too quiet.

"Moyashi?" Kanda blinked, noticing how Allen tensed up. He was looking down at the bowl in his hand not sure what to say at this point.

"Hey Kanda, can I ask you a question? A personal one?" The white-haired teen moved his gaze so he was staring directly into steel-colored ones.

Kanda sighed, pushing himself on the bed even more so, in the end, his back was against the wall. Allen watched him lowering his head and taking a spoonful of his food.

"Kanda,"

The samurai turned his head and was looking directly at him. He could see the young boy for who he truly is, someone who's been in pain all his life. Someone who's been abandoned for so long. Someone who doesn't know what it's like to have a home without it being ripped out from under him.

"..."

Allen turned to look at the clown poster on his wall.

"Have you ever felt like you were never good enough? That whatever you do leads to pain and leaves you numb? Empty?"

Kanda tilted his head to the side looking at the teen before him. Allen was still looking at the clown poster, however, it looked like the boy was searching for something. Something that he can't seem to find on the poster.

Kanda looks to his side and sighs, "Alma,"

Allen moves his gaze from the poster towards him but Kanda kept his eyes to the side, looking at the end of the mattress.

"The fight between Alma. I know you saw my memories. You know what happened and what..." Kanda pauses reliving the memory, "...I did,"

Kanda moved his gaze and stared at the boy's silver eyes. They were filled with sadness but thankful it wasn't pity towards him.

"Because of me...because of what I had done everyone died. Everything was lost. Nothing can change the fact that Alma Karma turned out the way he did was because of me. My memories were slowly coming back and he..." Kanda broke his gaze from Allen, tilting his head up, and watched the ceiling, "...he wanted to help me, but instead found the truth behind the whole fiasco."

Allen placed the bowl down on his lap, looking at the samurai before him. He did know that Kanda's childhood wasn't really one anyone can forget. He never had a real childhood having been an experiment since he awoke from his slumber.

Kanda turned to gaze right into Allen's eyes. Allen noticed that Kanda's eyes were filled with tears but he could see he refused to let them fall, "to answer your question, yes. I know the feeling very well. Maybe...maybe more than anyone at the Order can possibly imagine it's like something being ripped out from your reach. Something that can't be reached no matter how hard you fight for it, in the end, it won't matter how hard you try. It will always be taken away,"

Allen leaned forward, placing a hand on Kanda's arm. Kanda looked down at it, "maybe...just maybe if it turned out different Alma wouldn't have to go through that."

"Kanda," Allen started, "no matter what you did. In the end, Alma was finally able to find peace. He finally was able to let go of everything and forgive."

Kanda shook his head and sighed, "Tell me..."

Allen cocked his head to the side.

"What have they done to you?" Kanda asked again. Allen looked down at his hand still resting on Kanda's arm, letting his shoulders drop. He clenched his jaw.

"..."

"Moyashi,"

"What happened to Allen?" Allen let out a laugh. But quickly stopped taking in a deep breath.