Forever Till death...

Chapter 25

'Thank you Jamie. For today.'

'Keira you know I'm here for you. There's no need to thank me.'

'Yes there is! ' I say swatting his arm playfully.

'No man in their right mind would take a woman who has completely inconvenienced his life to a birthing  class. I'm grateful. For everything. ' He smiles almost sadly and I immediately feel bad for reminding him of his brother.

'You realize, if there's anything you need. If I can help you with anything, you could just ask me right? I'd love to make all of this up to you in some way.' He takes a step toward me and smiles a little happier.

'I'm the one who has to make it up to  you. And Matty. After everything Jason did to you and everyone else, I just can't wrap my head around it. I'm sorry. I really am.' He says his eyes watering slightly and I put my hand on his cheek.

'It's not your fault. He's the one with a problem and he's far away from me , you, everyone. He can't hurt anyone. Not ever . So you need to stop taking the blame for his actions. You don't need to do anything for me because you feel sorry for what he did.' I drop my hand and he  sighs.

'He will spend the rest of his life paying for it. And you need to move on with yours. You can't spend the rest of it blaming yourself.'
He smiles, ' there is something you could do for me.' He says moving to pick up his jacket.
'What?' I ask suspiciously.
'The boys at the station loved the cookies you gave me the other day. They stole them from me, I was wondering if I could get some of those?' he asks with a look on his face that made me think he thought it would be asking too much of me.
I smile, ' You can pick them up tomorrow before you go in.'
He smiles a bright smile that looks nothing like his brothers' 'Thank you keira. I thought I was pushing it with that one. You're the best. I'll see you tomorrow then. Try to get some rest. You and the baby have been through enough.'
'I will.  '
He nods and walks out of the door and I go back to taking out my groceries from their bags.

'You know, for a pregnant lady, you've put a lid on you're hormones.' I hear Matty say behind me as walks into the kitchen and heads straight for the fridge.

'What?'

He pulls out a milk carton and drinks straight from it before grimacing and putting it down on the counter.

' He's a great guy.'

'Yeah he is.'

'You have a session today that you'll be late for if you don't get going soon.'

'shit. Dr.Palmer. I almost forgot. You wanna drive me?' I ask putting the milk into the bin after getting a whiff of it.

'Sure. I won't be staying home tonight.' he says looking guilty.

'Jesus Matty, Cara?'

'yup.'

'You two are pretty serious huh?'

'And all it took was a near death experience and the slammer' he says scratching his neck.

'I really like her and she's pretty cool. Not to mention she forgave me for fucking around on her with God knows how many other chicks.'

'You're a slut my love. Were a slut it seems.I don't want to cut short your date night. I'll take myself . '

'No I'll take you and pick you up.' he says planting a kiss on my cheek before sitting on the counter.

'Matty, no. I'll be just fine.You need a life other than me. We can't always be together, especially since you're going to need a job pretty soon'

'I'm sitting pretty on that nice lump sum our little psycho left me. I don't really have to work and since you won't use what he left you, I am more than willing to sustain he both of us, soon to be three of us without really trying.

'You know I'm not comfortable using his money .'

'It's the least he could fucking do' Matty says pulling me to him.

'I'll let you go but you call me every half hour you're not in the house'

'I'll text you.' He cups my face.

'You'll fucking call me is what you'll do'

'By the hour.'

'Fine, by the hour. Even after you get home, you check in with me.'

I smile,' say hi to Cara for me. I gotta go talk about my feelings now'

I pull away from him and grab my bag once again. He yells as I get to the door from the kitchen counter,' By the hour babe'

'I will!' I yell back and go to my car.

Dr.Palmer's office is an uptown little big office with chill vibes all around it. It's decorated with greys whites and blues and it gives off the you're at your classy best friends house for lunch and some wine as usual vibe. Nothing like a psychiatrist's office. All the more reason I chose her. She's in her late forties but you couldn't tell, the woman looked great with her red hair and athletic build.

' Hello dearie. For a moment I thought you got tired of my shit.'

'I had a class. Jamie took me.' I say sitting on the couch I preferred to the other two.

She smiles,' We didn't finish talking about Jamie last time.'

'How is he?'

Straight to the point, this woman always dug in. I liked her no shit sherlock approach. She'd got me out of my funk almost a week into seeing her, something I hadn't thought I would make it past.

'He's okay I guess. I think he's only around Matty and I because of the guilt.'

'he feels guilty for what Jason did.'

'And do you blame him? That is his brother. He seems to love him very much.'

'I feel sorry for him.He must have it rough being the chief and all after what Jason did.'

'I think you feel more than sorry for him Dearie.'

'What?'

'Compassion to a kindled spirit.The last three sessions we've had, you went straight for Jamie and in all three you say you feel sorry for what he's feeling. Yet what is completely clear to me is that you are terrified of starting a friendship with him. It's  unhealthy for you to have only one friend. I understand your insecurities but you need to try and make new friends.Honey, I'd like to say that you should stay away from all things Ross but Jamie seems to be the complete opposite of his brother.

'We are friends'

'No you'd like to be, you're just not sure about being his friend. You mentioned nobody wants to be associated with him on a personal level because they think the crazy is genetic. Talk to him, it'll help with your fear of Jason. I know it's scary they look almost identical in all ways but you need to get past this fear of Jason. He can't hurt you or anyone for that matter. Five states is damn far . It's called maximum security for a reason. '

I sigh knowing she's right 'I'd like to see him if it's possible. Before you  try to be friends with him. I'd like to make sure for myself that he doesn't have any weird tendencies that may bite us in the ass. Also so you can feel safer knowing I carried out an analysis on him' she says softly reading my mind.

I smile at her,' I don't think he'll appreciate being analyzed .'

'He won't know he's being analyzed. '

'He's a cop.'

'I'm a doctor . A damn good one too.'

'It doesn't have to be Jamie but you need to try and make a friend other than Matty. I'm just suggesting him because he is your ex's twin and you can't keep living in fear of a face. He isn't Jason.'

'I'll think about it.'

'That's all I ask . Now, how are the nightmares'