Forever Till death...

Chapter twenty four

JASON

If I never see the colour white again it'll be too soon. Three months . Three months and my eyes still burn from the colour. It's everywhere. The walls, the clothes, the shoes and frankly, it's irritating. How people associate white with cleanliness, hope, restoration and serenity is beyond me. There's a nurse here who has a whole motto  about why we wear white," It's pure and so we shall  be." F u cking bull .

In the three months I've been here, I can tell her her life's story just from observing her. She's failed as a mother and feels the urge to make up for it with her patients. I want nothing to do with her yet she feels the urge to get close to me. I've had fantasies of bashing her head into these white walls, see how serene she'll find them then. But I don't, not because I can't but because I chose to. At least not yet.

Keira is due in two weeks. Two more weeks and I'll be a father. And it's these white walls that keep me from seeing my family. But I made a promise and I intend to keep it. I promised she'd never hear from Jason Ross again and she won't. Not in this lifetime will she have to deal with me again. I've made sure of that. Just because I said I'll never bother her again doesn't mean I'm not curious.

That's where Jamie comes in. Three months ago he came to see me. Why, I still don't understand considering he hates me because of what I 've done and I loathe his self righteous attitude but in the ten minutes I had with him I made him promise me something that means the world to me. Hopefully he can handle it since its not that hard to do.

"You know why you're in here right Jason?"

I smile at him arching a brow," I know you're going to be telling me either way I answer."

"You killed people, innocents . That kid, his mom , they deserved better than that. You're lucky you didn't get death row."

"I would have honestly preffered that to this."

"You mean getting help? The only reason you weren't sent to prison was because there isn't any evidence against you other than your word. You're only guilty of kidnapping because they found Keira before you did god only knows what to her."

I clamp down the anger rising in me. I have a mind to teach him a lesson on thinking he's better than me, thinking I would hurt her intentionally. But I love him , he's my only family after Keira and I need him.

"I would never hurt her."

"Torturing, murdering her friends? What do you call that Jason?"

A good day, anger management "A bad mistake." 

"You kidnapped her. Jason there's always been something wrong with you and I blame myself for not doing anything about it sooner."

"I know that. It's why I confessed."

"What?"

"I could have gotten away with everything I did. Every single thing . I already got away with that kid and her boss. There isn't any single thing that points to me except for the fact that I confessed to doing it. I would have gotten away with her friend, if I got rid of Matthew. Nobody would have known except for her. Keira. Do you know why I didn't kill him?"

He stares at me blankly his face a picture of anger and surprise.

"Enlighten me."

"Because of her. She loves him like a brother..If I killed him with or without her knowledge she would have lost it. I realised that he's a part of her, a very large one and I like my Keira when she's whole.Have you ever asked yourself why we've never talked about our parents?"

He looks down his face hardening. It's like looking into a downgraded version of me. Our face is the only thing we have in common.

"You blame yourself Jamie. You shouldn't. I'm in here because of the way I am and there's nothing you could do to change me. I love with a fierceness that isn't exactly healthy. I am perfectly aware of that. I love you like that that's why I did everything I did when we were younger. I love Keira to a point that it isn't healthy. I knew exactly what I was doing then and I know exactly what I'm doing now. I 'd do anything for her, that's why I allowed myself to get to this point. To be in here. You and I both know this Jaym. I'm letting her live her life without me because she wants me too. I won't bother her and she won't ever hear from me . But just because she doesn't want to hear from me , doesn't mean I don't want to hear from her. That's where you come in."

"What?"

"I want you to take care of her. Protect her. Make sure her and my daughter are okay. Check in on her.Make sure they never lack anything. She's due in three months but she's not ready. I want you to give her the strength and support she deserves. I'm not allowed visitors till I show progress after today so i'm not sure how long that'll be till I can see you again but till then be there for her."

"Jason it's a given i'd look out for her , after what you've done to her?"

"You don't get it. I need you to take care of her not look out for her. It's all I ask."

He nods taking in a frustrated breath.

"There's an envelope in my house on my desk. Give it to her. She'll need a lawyer.  Make sure she gets it. "

"Jason, about mum and dad,"

I raise my hand and give him a weak smile."Just because we never talked about it and I mentioned it, doesn't mean we should start now."

He stays silent for a few seconds before a guard moves forward signalling we need to wrap up.

"I won't bother anyone anymore.If you ever get a chance Jamie, five states isn't that far."

He smiles," You know it is Jason."

"I do. Just so you know ,I love you Jaym." a look crosses his face and he frowns slightly.

"Why does it sound like your saying goodbye?"

"Because you're leaving." I say smiling at him. The guard comes to my side and I stand up from the chair. A male nurse grabs my bicep, motioning me to move away. I smile as he leads me away from the room. At least I'm sure Keira will be taken care of.

Thanks for being patient. Not sure when next update is, I have exams...