Project Athena | Reviews

Storm Wars Lore (Haize)

Author: Cosmic_Shari

Reviewer: adretaRyder

Genre: Action/Adventure

Starting, I'll say I'm not a big fan of the whole scriptwriting format, firstly because I am completely unfamiliar with it and because from the way you did it, it leaves a lot to be desired.

There's a big issue with grammar and punctuation, which can be easily resolved if you take the time to just scroll through your chapter and fix these things before clicking the publish button. It's very difficult to read something like this where there's no regard for the basic rules of the language. Not necessarily English as a language, but the lack of full stops is very disorienting, and seeing quotation marks around narration but not around dialogue is odd for me too.

There are also no descriptions, for pretty much anything. The first chapter is set in what is only described as a 'large grassy field' and then nothing else. This bare mention never sticks into my mind as a reader, and I almost instantly forget where the scene is set as soon as I go a few lines into the chapter. There are also no character descriptions. I have no idea what anyone looks like, I can't picture anything. There's nothing for my imagination as a reader to pick up on and turn this story into something my mind can enjoy. Again, I'm not sure if this is how all scriptwriting is done, but if yes, then I do not think it is the format you want to use for putting out a story that is meant for reading.

If I ignore the formatting of things, the action scenes are actually decent and only need a little polishing. I can't say much about the characters because the format doesn't allow for proper descriptions aka, and there's very little showing vs telling, which always leaves the story feeling a bit bland.

I'll give your story a 2 out of 5 stars. Mostly because of the above formatting reasons, and the scriptwriting style that make it difficult to get through the story, for me at least. Plotwise, I'm not sure what's going on, because each story part feels like a separate scene and not one continuous flowing story. You would probably get better feedback for your story by asking someone who specifically handles scripts like this.