"Right you lot" Coach stared at the closing talk following practice, we hadn't had a match this Wednesday, and instead we had been practicing with cones and doing core training.
I was quite thankful not to be playing as Eric had assured me he was going to break my leg at the first opportunity he had, he told me that on Monday after I managed to avoid playing against his team, instead I was on a 6v6 vs the other half of the class Monday.
Coach continued "fixtures are in and we need to play away in two weeks on Saturday at Oakfield, its across county so we will be staying overnight" he handed out a slip to sign along with an option for staying over with a request for £30 to cover costs if we shared a room or £60 if we didn't.
"you can of course have your folks pick you up after the match if you don't want to stay, but I expect all forms back on Monday regardless, and the whole team needs to go"
My mom and dad were not exactly poor, but equally we didn't have the kinda of cash lying around that the likes of Jackson did, speaking of Jackson, he'd not text me all week, and even in football on Monday we'd not really spoken.
I'd shared to much about having a date, I guess I'd found the line with him, "hey" I said to him as coach allowed us to head to the showers
"hey Sam" he smiled picking up some of the cones to put back in the equipment lock up, I followed him and picked up some of the cones too trying to help.
"you ok?" I said, I had text him like twice since Sunday morning just asking how he was, but I never got anything back
"yeah, sorry for not texting back" Jackson seemed quiet and not really himself, his eyes focused on the task rather than me, "your date go ok?"
"hmm ok I guess, I'm sorry if I crossed a line, it must be weird talking to me about stuff like that?"
"oh!?" Jacksons ears flicked up, "its fine, I mean... my dads just been on at me this week is all, its not you, and I kinda needed to be somewhere this Saturday and he's been a dick about it"
"oh yeah, where you going, maybe I could tell him its a study group, or football practice"
Jackson smiles, "oh I've tired everything trust me, he says I cant cancel football though, it sucks"
"yeah my mom and dad are being weird about this weekend too, I was gonna go see Ella but they told me I got to go to some lame burger place as a family, like I will be 18, I just wanna go have a legal drink with my friends.
"oh hey, were was my invite?" Jackson raises an eyebrow
"well I wasn't allowed, so the plans kinda got screwed, we could maybe hang out Sunday though, I mean if you wanted to?" it felt odd to be the one asking to hang out, I was scared he might say no I guess, Jackson didn't answer though looking anywhere but at me.
"is that your date there, Tommy right? Jackson says pointing over to the stands, and there Tommy stood again in a black outfit, I'd managed to put him off for a second date for a while, saying I wanted to pay half rather than him just take me out, but it seems he found me out at football again, which I was wondering if it was cute or creepy, more cute perhaps.
"you ever get asked out by someone and you're not really sure you like them, and you don't know how to let them down?" I asked Jackson, perhaps finally realising what I needed to do with Tommy rather than lead him on.
"its why I don't date anyone, I don't know maybe I'm picky" he laughs, "so the date didn't go too well then?" and he almost seems a little like the Jackson I know again
"no not really, he's cute, I just don't... like him that way I guess, I mean other than the fact he's gay and good looking, I don't know, there's no... excitement" I say wondering how else to describe it
"I get you" Jackson smiles picking up the last cone, we head back to the equipment locker, I wave to Tommy indicating ill be a few minutes, not truly looking forward to talking to him.
"you got a room buddy for Oakfield? I usually buddy with Eric, I'm not sure I wanna share with some of the other guys, and you don't snore which is a bonus" Jackson smiles
"no, but we could share that would be cool" I say although after seeing Jackson getting out the pool I now had visions of him walking out a hotel rooms shower with nothing more than a towel wrapped around him, now that was a sight I was getting excited about, why couldn't I think about Tommy like that.
I stacked the cones up in the lock up and shifted my thoughts elsewhere before things started to show, "if I can get out this weekend, we should go for your first legal drink somewhere too"
"yeah I'd like that" I say "don't get in too much trouble for it though"
Jackson shakes his head, "ill text you later I promise" he said heading off into the showers, I sighed realising I couldn't delay the inevitable much longer and headed over the pitch towards Tommy
Tommy Smiles as I approach which is just going to make this harder than it has to be, "I missed you Sam" he says taking a step forward and he grabs my hand which catches me off guard, I see people are looking but Tommy doesn't seem to care, "I'm all sweaty, sorry" I say "I need a shower" he tilts his head but seemingly understands as I pull my hand away
"you still haven't said when we can go out again"
"I know, its just my birthday coming up and my parents are making lame plans for me, besides there's was something I wanted to talk to you about" I say scratching the back of my head awkwardly, I'd never let a guy down before, it was always guys dumping me.
Not that we were dating or anything, we wasn't boyfriends, no.. we'd been on one date, and looking from Tommy's face I kinda thought perhaps he understood what was coming.
"you're really cute, I just..." I stopped not really sure what I was going to say, instead taking a deep breath and sighing
Tommy looked hurt, his eyes look at the ground rather than me, "you like someone else right? I can tell you're not quite there, its ok, does he like you too?"
"he doesn't even know" I admitted "but its not fair on you, my head is just..., I wanted it to work"
"I get it" Tommy sighs, "do you think it could work?"
"I honestly don't know" and I honestly didn't, on paper he was everything I'd asked for in a boyfriend, I mean it wasn't an extensive list to be honest, hot and cute was about as far as it went, maybe it was because he was a fur, maybe not, I just didn't know, I needed to have that feeling, that spark.
"I understand" he says, which surprises me and wasn't the reaction I had thought it would be, he steps forward and hugs me, and I'm conscious I stink and still a little sweaty but he don't seem to care either way.
"we can be friends" he says, "and you know if you do feel something one day, we can you know" he shrugs "because I do like you" he says taking a step back and looking over his shoulder
"I should go" he says after a moment, I wasn't sure what to say, i had caught myself off guard admitting i liked someone else, and its true i was completely obsessed with Jackson, but i also knew it was stupid and pointless, Tommy was gone before I could form any words, and then I was left alone in the yard.
I headed off to the shower and wondered weather I had made the right decision, part of me felt like I had, but a boy had never held my hand in public before and Tommy didn't care about that, I just didn't get that spark with him, I wanted to feel love, like real love the shit you see in the movies, I wanted a boy to make me fall so darn in love with him it would hurt.
I wanted to feel for someone like I'd felt for Nathan, had he broken me?
I liked Jackson, I had this platonic love for Jackson, why couldn't I have that but with someone i could be with.
VOUS LISEZ
High School Fur - A gay furry coming of age story
Roman pour AdolescentsSam's senior year at Ravendale, a mixed school for humans and furs was going to be different, he was sure of it, why else would he move schools right? Left on the sidelines at his old school where his classmates constantly told him "gays don't play...
