Criminal Minds Oneshots

Aaron Hotchner- Holding On And Letting Go

Is anybody out there?

Is anybody listening?

Does anybody really know?

If it's the end of our beginning

A cry, a rush from one breath

Is all we're waiting for

Sometimes the one we're taking

Changes every one before

You were the only one Hotch told about his recent divorce to. He would often go to you and tell you how hurt and frustrated he was, but he'd always hide a bit of himself, the weaker part of him from you.

You tried to comfort him in any way you could, but the situation sucked, there wasn't much you could do about that. So you mostly just sat with him, listening to everything he told you. Between those months of him stopping at your place just to get away from his now empty house, or asking you in his office so he could talk to you about things, you two became close. You didn't want to admit how you had also fallen for him. It made you wonder even more how stupid his wife was to leave him?

One day as you were walking by his office, you heard him yelling over the phone. You heard a glimpse of the conversation and instantly knew he was talking to Haley. Not wanting to ease drop, you quickly passed his office and waited a good twenty minutes before knocking on his door.

"Come in!" He sounded a bit irritated as he spoke.

You opened the door and went inside, closing it behind you, "Hotch, everything okay?" You asked tentatively.

He sighed a little, "Haley's being difficult about when I can see Jack. It isn't fair, he's my child too," he grumbled. He gripped his pen tightly in his hand until his knuckles were white. You pried the pen out of his hand gently, ignoring the knot in your stomach when your hand touched his.

"I'm sorry. That isn't right," you frowned at him, you hated to see him in pain.

He ran his hand over his face once, and then pressed both hands against the desk firmly, something you found him doing when he was stressed.

You bent down to hug him gently. One hand wrapped around him while the other came to settle on top of his rigid shoulder. You noticed his shoulders relax, just the slightest at your touch.

His hand came to rest on top of the hand on his shoulder. "Thank you," he whispered, slightly  hoarse.

"Anytime," you smiled softly. "Want to get some food?"

"Yeah, I could use a break."

It's everything you wanted

It's everything you don't

It's one door swinging open

And one door swinging closed

Some prayers find an answer

Some prayers never know

We're holding on and letting go

Sometimes when he visited your house at night he didn't say anything. He'd just come to you, sometimes even crying. You'd take him to the couch and hold him in your arms in silence.

Sometimes he didn't mourn, instead he sat with you and laughed softly with you as he told you story after story about Jack and Haley. It stung, you could see it in his eyes, but he still seemed happy to relive those precious memories.

Later on he even started sleeping at your house. It was nothing like that, he would just sleep on the couch whenever he didn't want to sleep in his house alone. It was always nice when he did stay over. He'd usually be up bright and early the next day, making you pancakes as a small thank you for letting him stay with you.