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The silence caused my ears to ring. I sat up in my bed with my back against the head board, thinking. Thinking of all these weird things keep happening to me, and most importantly why.
I've always been a strong and active believer of God. I went to Church every Sunday growing up. I remained good but yet, its like a demon attached to me. Constantly holding onto me.
I could feel when it was near me. It was like a random wave of heat that would hit me. It crawled on top of me, and kissed every, single, inch of my body. It kissed every insecurity, every scar, every crevice. I hate to admit the strange connection I feel with it.
I'm ashamed to admit how I love the things it does to my body. Its all confusing. All I ever did was love him. He let his mind his run wild. He lost me. He ran me away, not the other way around. Yet, I craved him in ways I promised everyone I wouldn't.
He was sure to bring hell on earth if he didn't get what he wanted. And what he wants is clear. Revenge.
What for? I can't tell you because I don't know. I wish I could read that sick little mind of his. Be by his side as he fulfills his sick fantasies and comes back to me.
Crazy that after all the pain he caused, I want him so bad. I didn't love him anymore, no, I loved what he did to my body. He was never gentle during sex and I never want him to be.
The bruising kisses were enough to overstimulate me with euphoria. It was something about pain that brought me so much pleasure. Maybe I'm the sick one.
I looked outside the window, admiring the rising sun. The brightness made my eyes ache, but I couldn't rip my eyes away. It gave me peace. I knew I would be sad all over again when the sun is completely in the sky, so I decided to savor the moment.
I smiled feeling the warmth on my face. I've been so cold lately, I missed the heat. I missed the warmth of a body next to me, keeping me company. Loneliness was something I didn't like. It kept me up at night. It kept my mind running, so I never get a break.
It took about an hour or two for the sun to completely settle. Within that time, I relaxed. I didn't let myself think of the negativity around me. I just sat there, basking in the beauty.
I checked my phone seeing that it was now 8am. Time to actually start my day.
𝖨 rolled out of bed and immediately went into the bathroom. I washed my face and brushed my teeth before I got in the shower.
Once I was finished showering, I sat in the bathroom for a little while, just scrolling through my timeline.
