Love You Forever (2013 Wattys Finalist)

Chapter 13 - Falling Apart

Robert was lying in his bed with the crook of his arm over his eyes. It was Saturday morning, the beginning of the weekend, and he was already wishing it was Monday. What the hell was he supposed to do with himself until it was time to go to back to work? He knew how he would prefer to spend his weekend, lying in bed with his blankets pulled over his head and his mind turned off, but that wasn't an option. He decided he hated weekends with a passion.

He made himself get up and went downstairs for some breakfast, finding his parents already in the kitchen. His dad got up right away, saying, "Fancy some breakfast, Robbie?"

"Yeah, cheers, dad," he said, and gave his mum a hug and kiss before he made a mug of tea. Then he slumped in his seat at the table and tried to think of what he could do to fill the hours until he could safely go back to bed again.

As if his dad was reading his mind, he asked, "What d'you have planned for today?"

"Uh, dunno," he said, keeping his eyes on his mug.

"D'you remember? You promised you'd get your hair cut."

Robert hadn't forgotten, he just hadn't been able to do it yet. The night after he'd told his dad he'd do it, he'd come home from work and felt like he was suffocating as soon as he walked in the house. He went for a long run as soon as he could change out of his work clothes. Exhausting himself seemed to be the only thing that made the rest of the evening bearable. By time he'd finished, cleaned up and eaten, the hairdresser's was closed.

"Yeah, I'll do that," he said. That ought to kill about an hour, he thought grimly and slumped further in his seat.

When Robert left the house to get his hair cut, he decided to walk to the salon. It would eat up more of the seemingly endless hours that stretched ahead of him. It was a warm day and the sun was out but he barely noticed, turning off his mind as soon as he started walking, looking at the ground while he put one foot in front of the other, his hands shoved in his pockets.

When he walked into the salon, he was greeted loudly by the hairdressers who all knew him. He almost always got his hair cut on the spur of the moment, never bothering to make an appointment ahead of time so nearly all of them had cut, or more accurately, wrestled with his hair, attempting to make it look more under control. This time he got Julie, one of the younger hairdressers with tattoos on her arms, a nose ring and pink streaks in her long blonde hair. She usually got the younger clients, the ones who weren't afraid to have her touch their hair.

She greeted him with a smile, saying, "Alright, Robbie?"

"Alright, Julie," he replied, and managed to smile back.

He didn't say anything to her when she got ready to cut it and she didn't bother to ask him either. She'd always cut it the same way, and it had always looked fine to him. While she worked on him, he turned off his mind, not hearing the women chatting around him. When she was finished, she asked, "How does it look, Robbie?"

"Looks fine," he replied, not really noticing how it looked, or caring.

"Well, I made sure to leave it longer this time. I know that's how your girlfriend fancies it," she said, smiling at him.

Robert felt like he'd just been kicked in the chest. He didn't say anything in response, just paid her and left, trying to ignore the crushing pain and desolation that threatened to overwhelm him again. Until that moment, he'd managed not to remember she'd been with him the last time he was there.

The hair cut he'd had before that had been his first since he'd been home. He'd gone to get it cut while she stayed with his mum. When he came back, she'd taken one look at his hair and burst into tears, declaring it had been ruined. The next few days he'd caught her looking at him mournfully, still grieving the lost inches. He'd thought it was funny she'd had such a strong reaction to seeing him with shorter hair but he understood. She'd never seen him with his hair the way he usually wore it. When she'd first met him, his hair was longer than usual, and grew longer still over the two months he was a prisoner.