Lilac's Lies

54

I didn't answer for a moment, his words echoing in my head.

"Did you?" I asked him, because I certainly didn't get that vibe from him earlier.

"Of course I did," Roman answered me instantly.

I turned to look at him. Gone was his smile from earlier, his easy going, playful look. He was looking at me in the way that reminded me of the way he used to look at me. Like he could see me. The real me. The me I had forgotten so long ago. The me that I never really found again.

"Where's your date?" I asked him, cursing myself as the words slipped through my mouth. I didn't want to be that girl, you know, the jealous one. The petty one. I had no ground to stand on to be that girl, after all. I was the one that left. I was the one who walked away.

"You never called me," Roman answered, disregarding my question completely.

"I know," I sighed out, I wasn't sure what else to say.

"Why?" He questioned, his eyes were staring into mine in a way that made me feel like he could see right through me. He looked like he was waiting for me to lie, to deceive him. And, who could blame him for that? It's what he knew me as; a liar.

I turned back to the mural as I thought through my answer. Trying to turn my thoughts into valid reasoning. But, I wasn't sure if I was quite able to do that. All my thoughts were valid, but they were only valid for me. They were selfish thoughts.

"It was easier," I decided on, and I heard how cruel they were coming out of my mouth.

"Easier? For who?" Roman asked me, understanding exactly how selfish I really was.

"You changed it," I said, pointing with my head towards his artwork. It was my turn to disregard his question.

"Yeah," Roman sighed out, "it took me a while."

"What? To paint it?" I questioned.

"No, to decide what to change it to."

I looked back towards him, he wasn't looking at the mural like I expected him to. He was looking at me, like he always is. Like he always used to. I was quiet, waiting for him to explain.

"It's how I pictured you, how I hoped you would be in your new life," Roman told me finally, causing my eyes to go back to the mural.

I looked at it again, with his words in my mind now. It was pretty clear what he was saying, what his inspiration was. Roman didn't want me to be the faceless girl anymore. He didn't just want me to be desperately holding onto only myself. He wanted me to be something, someone. He wanted me to blossom into someone new. Someone smiling, someone growing. Someone...

"Happy?" I muttered, and I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach. I wasn't this girl, even though I maybe thought I was. I had thought I did everything this mural said and more. I thought I bloomed into someone new, a better Lilac, a more colourful lilac. Maybe I was just pretending.

"Was I right?" Roman asked me, repeating the same question as Khalil had asked me earlier. The same one I didn't quite have an answer to.

"Are you happy?" I asked Roman, watching in my peripheral vision as a small smile came to his lips. He knew was I was doing, he knew I was diverting his question.

"What right now? Am I happy this instant? I'm feeling a lot of things right now, Lilac, but I wouldn't say happy is one of them." Roman answered, dropping his head towards the ground.

"No, not just right now. You know, happy in general," I explained, toying with the hem of my dress.

"I'm happy sometimes. I'm sad sometimes. I think the idea that you have to be perpetually happy to have a good life or to be doing something right is lie. You can't have happy without also having sadness. Otherwise, the happy wouldn't feel so happy," Roman told me, his words sinking into my skin. "But, overall. I'd say I'm happy most of the time, but I could be happier."

"Me too," I agreed, nodding along with his words.

"I pictured you happier than you look, Lilac," Roman told me, and I knew without looking at him that his eyes were on me again.

There was a silence as I didn't answer, unsure of what to say. He was right, wasn't he? Roman was always right about me. He could see me better than I could see myself. I was supposed to be happier than I was, and I didn't realize that until I came back to this dreaded town.

"Where's your date?" I asked him again, wanting him to answer.

"I dropped Mindy back at her house," Roman explained, looking down at the ground again.

"Mindy? I'm pretty sure her name was Mandy," I questioned him, my eyebrows shooting up.

Roman's head raised  up at my words, a sheepish look on his face as he awkwardly scratched his ear. "Well, the truth is that I just met her yesterday."

"She must be special if you're taking her on black tie events already," I joked, though I hated the words as they came out of my mouth.

"She's not," Roman said instantly. He turned his body towards me, pulling my knees so my body turned towards him. "Like I said, I pictured you happy. Clara told me about your boyfriend, I thought he would be with you tonight."

I looked down at Roman's hand, which was still rested on my knee. It had travelled under my dress, his palm against my bare skin. "We broke up last month."

I heard Roman's chuckle, his laugh coming deep from his chest. I looked up at him, his face had changed completely. He looked relieved.

"Lilac," Roman finally said, "I fucking missed you."

Butterflies erupted in my stomach, freely and untamed as he said my name. I let my eyes drift down to his lips, the same pull that I had always felt between us was still there. Of course, it was still there. We were calling for each other, sending each other signals that we desperately hoped the other one would understand.

And, Roman did understand it seemed. He was slow as he moved towards me, his eyes moving between my lips and my eyes. When his lips met mine, it was perfect. It was what the kissing I've been doing in the last year was missing. It was fireworks, and it was colours, and electrification.

Roman didn't relent from his attack on my lips as he pulled me on top of him. He stood up effortlessly, his hands against the thing fabric covering my body. My legs wrapped around him, feeling him against my core. He walked with a purpose, he simply opened his car door, placing me gently on the passenger seat.

His hand found my thigh instantly as he got into the driver seat. He didn't speak as he began to drive, and I didn't have to guess where he was driving to. While one of his hands was on the steering wheel, effortlessly guiding us through the city streets, I wasn't thinking about that hand. I was think about the other one, because his fingers were moving against my skin, in circles they traced, leaving tingles as they went. They crept higher and higher, and he didn't give me an explanation. He only looked towards me every other minute, the dark look in his eyes that I remembered so well.

I pushed back against the leather seat as his finger crept into my underwear. They didn't hesitate as they found the bundle of nerves that were desperately aching with need. He worked with perfect rhythm as he touched me, knowing precisely what he was doing. He remembered the way my body worked, it seemed, he remembered how to make me see all the colours that didn't exists.

I felt the feeling creep through me as he massaged it, the build up of pleasure and euphoria. I was about to surrender to it, and let it take over my body, when Roman spoke.

"Tell me what you've been missing, Lilac," he said, his voice was low with need. "Tell me."

I sighed as my body gave into to the wave of arousal, my body clenching together before it exploded like a firework. I rode the high for a moment, before breathing through the relaxation of my muscles.

"You," I said breathlessly. "I've been missing you."