Bungou stray dogs: Dazai overdose

Chapter 9

Yosano pov
I doubled checked if I had put  a thermomenter in my bag, before I went out the door. Ranpo hadn't returned yet, but he said, that he was about to be back, so I could head to the hospital. I was honestly not really looking foreward to it. I hated hospitals, uncountable people injured and sick, at least one death an hour and no hope of saving everyone, even for me. And now there was one dear to me I really couldn't save, even if I wanted to. I hated being unable to help, that was one of the reasons, I loved my ability, yes the person had to be almost dead, but still I could save countless lifes. That was also part of the reason, I became a doctor and why I joined the agency. As for that I knew  some details of the connection between Fukuzawa and Dazai, Ranpo had once told me about it, when Dazai joined us and I questioned Ranpo, why a port mafia member with a rank that he once had, got to join the agency just like that. Of course I was then informed, that he was no longer member of the mafia. Besides that the only reason I knew he was from the mafia, was his reputation and ability, he was known as a 'run when you see him' person in the agency, a little like Akutagawa now, but worse, our main strentgh is based on our abilities and he was the one uneffected by all abilities. All he had to do was, come into physical touch with them.

I walked into the main entrance and asked for Dazai Osamu.
''You know, your friends story has made quite the round, everyone has heard about the story around here. And it seems he gets a lot of visitors''
I didn't respond and just looked at her with a demanding look. ''He is room 496 thrid floor'' She said as she realized how inappropriate that had been.

I walked up to the board to find an elevator. .... Intesive care ---- I really didn't want to go there, but I had to. ''Pull yourslef together'' I told myself, I stepped into the elevator and entered the intensive care station. The depressed mood was everywhere. It felt like death. I had to bite my tounge, so I wouldn't immediantly heal the person, that was just now being brought past me inside a hospital bed. I couldn't get exposed like this. My ability is very rare, if they here found out, I would be stuck here for my life time. I sighed. I looked at the doors and searched for 496. There it was. I took a deep breath and went straight inside.

The atmosphere was crushing me, but I shook it off. I stared at the monitors, then at Fukuzawa, who seemed unusually out of it and then at the unrecognizable, whitely pale shell, that seemed to be Dazai. My instincts kicked in, as I activated my ability, like it was a reflexs. ''Don't!'' Fukuzawas voice appeared ''If you do this his ability will automatically cancell yours and work his body up.'' I immediantly deactivated it.
''Sorry, I didn't really want to do anything, it was more of a reflex, Someone from the agency hurt and I automatically heal''
''I know, I should apologize, I'm just a little stressed right now''

I lowered my head knowing, that in reality I was about to attempt to heal him, at least giving it a try, but the risk was too high right now. I grabbed the thermometer out of my bag and walked up to the fragile form on the bed. After considering every option, I decided to take his temperature from his ear. Mouth and Nose were blocked by tubes, armpit, I couldn't move his body, no he's not dead yet, him that much, the other possible place, that's really not a place I have athority to touch, so ear seemed right. I waited for it to beep. I looked at it and gasped. ''shit'' slipped out.
''What ?'' Fukuzawa asked. I went over to him and sat down in the chair next to him.
''Dazai has........a really high fever'' I said in a serious tone, while looking right into his eyes
''How high, do you consider really high?''
I lay my hand on top of his, wich was holding Dazais hand
''106°F/41°C, he has a temperature of  106°F/41°C ''
Fukuzawa didn't really react, his head just fell down. (In German you would say Kopf hängen lassen, wich means basically your head feels to heavy to keep it up straight, so you lower it until you're no longer using muscels to hold it up). I sighed and put the thermometer back into my bag. Then I heard a scaring sound, wich made me shriek. A loud,terrible and painfully sounding coughing. I froze as I realized, who it came from. Fukuzawa had already reacted, as I saw him standing next to the bed, carefully lifting Dazais upper Body up. Out of his mouth came, exactly what I feared and had hoped for not to happen, blood.

A doctor came inside with a worried gaze. Fukuzawa let the doctor take over and stepped back. He didn't seem, like this was the first time, he allowed his life to be in the hands of doctors. He stepped back, knowing, that he could do nothing. And I was just as useless as him.

The only reason I like it, when there were casualties, was because it meant I got to be useful. Yes I did enjoy it to heal the others, wich was why I would easily with joy cut their body open, whenever they were wounded, but I only enjoyed it, because I was actually able to heal them afterwards. But now. I was staring at a horrifying sight. A overwhelmed looking doctor, despertaly trying, to get Dazai, a good friend to all of us, to stop coughing up blood and start breathing again. I started to think about the several reasons, someone would cough up blood, without having a disease. A splashed vein inside the throat, internal injury, blood filled lungs....

Finally, after three minutes, what felt like an eternity to us, he finally began to breath again, and stopped coughing. The doctor, attched new infusions. Put a respiratory mask over the tubes, from wich two were already forcing him to breath and checked his temperature,  his eyes showed confusion. Then he checked the surgery wound and his face calmed a little. Then he left. From the way I saw it, it seemed, like as if he was refusing to breath. Fukuzawa saat back down. I looked at my watch. Visiting hours ended in 15 min. I argued with myself, if we should leave now or wait th 15 remaining minutes. I decided to wait ando so, I sat down in the chair next to Fukuzawa. He was once again holding his hand.

''Why wont he stay stable for more than ten minutes''
10 minnutes? Looks like his condition is a lot worse, than I had believed.
''I don't know'' I said trying to keep a calm voice, wich was really hard right now. ''I'm sorry'' I wispered
He looked at me questioning. ''I'm sorry I can't do anything'' Even though I knew it wasn't my fault, still I blamed myself.
''It's not your fault, I should have known, that he wasn't ok'' So we're all blaming ourselves, huh?

I stood up. ''Sir, we need to leave, visiting hours are almost over''
He sighed and stood up. ''I'll be right there, just give me a moment alone with him'' I nodded. I stroke Dazais hand for goodbye and left to room to wait outside.

Fukuzawa pov
Yosano went outside the room. I pressed Dazais hand between my fingers, as if I was asking him to take it and press mine as well. Of course I got no response.
''Why would you do this to us? Why would you do this to yourself, you can't like to feel all this pain, can you?''
''Promise me something, ok? When I come back tomorrow, you'll still be right here. You don't have to do anything, you don't have to open your eyes, you don't have to take my hand when I take yours, you don't have to speak. Just be here, alive! Ok? Promise me that''
I sighed and let go of his hand. I brushed his hait back out his face and wiped the drops of sweat away. I pulled away and turned my back towawrds him and left the room.