Dreamland [editing]

thirty one

I jolted up in my bed, my forehead sweating, and my heart betting faster than I could process.

"Sweety, is everything okay?" My mom said from beside me.

I let out a shaky breath, "Yeah...yeah..."

I must have forgotten to take the sleeping pills last night...I didn't like taking then either ways. I guess it was usually worth it, but I didn't like taking medicines. All medicines have side effects, and I was not okay with feeling with any of those.

I took a deep breath in, trying to calm down.

I sat there motionless for a couple minutes before I picked up my phone when it buzzed seeing a text from Jacob.

Jacob: hey it's Levi, left my phone there last night, pls text Aiden, ask him to call me asap.

Me: okay, sure, where are you?

Levi: Dad's place, others are at campus.

I looked at the table beside my bed and saw Levi's phone. I picked it up and searched for Aidens contact and texted him.

Hey, this is Hayley. Levi left his phone here, he asked me to tell you to call him asap.

I sent it.

I was going to turn Levi's phone off when I saw my name in their previous texts, and couldn't help but read them. I shouldn't have, and I knew I shouldn't have, but I did it anyway.
I scrolled up and began reading from the top of that chat.

Levi: hey, you holding up alright?

Aiden: hey, I'm alright, thanks Levi.

Levi: I'm on my way to see Jones, COD after?

Aiden: for sure, I'll text Ryan and Jake.

Levi: listen man, really hope this isn't bringing back old shit,

Aiden: nah, it's all good.

Levi: well the hospital looks way different this time 😂

Aiden: yup, so do we haha

I then immediately stopped reading. God I really shouldn't have done that.

What did they mean though? Bringing back old shit. Holy fuck why was Aiden in the hospital?? Just like Michaela said.

Oh my fucking god. The tattoo. What if....he tried to kill himself.....

I SHOULDN'T HAVE FUCKING READ THE DAMN TEXTS.
I sighed feeling slightly uncomfortable, but tried to brush it off for now.

I rested my head on the headboard behind me, and glaced over to the bed side table. My father's latter sat there, asking for me to open it, and I wanted to, I really did, but at the same time I didn't want to feel what I knew I'd feel once I did read it.

I just knew that the moment I read it, I would feel the familiarity with the way he wrote it, and for a second, just a second, it would be like he never died. I wanted to save that moment for sometime that I needed it.

Remembering too much however would make me relive my father's death all over again, and...I already know that I suck at dealing with my father dying.

I sighed, closing my eyes for a second.

"Okay, I need need head too work, but I'll be back before 5. Call or text if you need anything," my mom said, packing up her things.

I was honestly sort of worried that the second I was out of the hospital, things with my mom would go back to normal. She'd start traveling again, I'd get busy with school...

I pulled out my laptop and put on an episode of friends, hoping it would distract me, which I did to a great extent.

After about an hour, Ryan came over to help with French which was not super fun cause French is not necessarily my strongest area.

"When its 'de' plus 'le' it becomes du," he explained.

"But you've written 'de' over here," I said.

"Yeah, that's because it's a negative sentence,"

"This doesn't make sense," I cribbed.

Ryan sighed. "I agree...but again it is what it is," he quoted, and I scoffed.

"You fine? You seem distracted," he said after a small pause.

"I'm fine...I have my check up tomorrow, they're gonna tell me how much longer I need to be here,"

"Oh....isn't that a good thing?"

"I guess so...unless I need to stay for another week or something,"

"I'm sure they'll tell you that you can go right home," he said, and I gave him a small smile.

"How are things at school?" I asked.

"Same old...the football team is suspended from games for a month cause of the fight." He said.

"Oh damn,"

"Oh and Mrs.Holler and Mr.Lionel seem to be hitting it off," he scoffed.

Ahh Mr.Lionel, my last years physics teacher who hated me almost as much as Mrs.Holler did.

"What? Wow, that's...wow,"

"Yeah," he laughed.

I thought about maybe asking him about the texts I saw between Levi and Aiden, but decided against it.

Maybe once I went home and settled down completely, I'd start figuring things out.

Another thing that was lurking in the back of my head was collage. I needed to figure out what exactly I wanted to do, and where I wanted to go, and how the fuck I'd pay for it.

I had no fucking clue and my grades were not exactly helping me out either.

I sighed, starring back down at my French text book.

After he left I watched a movie and ate dinner. My mom came back at 9 and we ended up talking for a while.

"Why what happened," I asked, when she told me that she was no longer interested in that man at her work.

"I don't know, he seems....kind of off," she replied.

We didn't talk much, but it was nice having her there. I watched a movie, while she finished some work, and then later, I fell asleep listening to music.

***