Song for this chapter Hold Back The River by James Bay.
This chapter is more serious than usual so please understand that this is a sad topic that a lot of us have been through. Please remember to press the star if you like the chapter!
***
"Mom, I'll be fine, and I'll be back before one A.M. which is, if you forgot, my curfew." I tell her, I've been trying to persuade her to let me go to Xander's eighteenth birthday party, but she says she doesn't want me out late. "And plus, Xander is the one driving me and you know how careful he drives." He's almost as bad as Mack, but not quite.
"Fine, Emily, but your new curfew is ten!" She practically screams in my face. I can feel my eyes widen. She doesn't usually scream. She only screams when she's really mad or about to cry.
I look at her, "That's not fair! What would changing my curfew do, anyways? Mom, you can't change my curfew because you're afraid that I'm going to die, you can't stall death, you can only rush it. But guess what mom, I'm not doing either one, okay? You know she didn't choose to die, and I don't want to die either but I don't get to choose and you don't either, so changing my curfew by three hours isn't going to do anything except make me mad." I tell her and take a breath.
She walks to me and hugs me, "Okay, I'm sorry. Go to the party and be a teenager, your curfew is one, okay? I love you, be careful, and don't do anything stupid. Don't take drinks from strangers, and please stay away from boys."
"Mom, it's okay, thank you for changing my curfew back, I love you, I'm always careful, and boys are annoying." I tell her exactly what she wants to hear. I don't like upsetting her. I don't like making her scream.
I stand up from the stool that I was sitting on, and head up to my room, to grab my phone and tell Xander that I will be attending his birthday party, this weekend. I pick up my phone and open his contact.
Em
My mom said yes, took some persuading but she's allowing me to attend this gathering.
Xander
Please don't ever type like my mom ever again, but anyways, on Saturday I'll pick you up at seven.
Em I don't sound like your mom, oh my gosh yes I do.
Seven? He's such an early bird. My grandma parties later than that. In the past the latest party he ever threw ended at midnight. That party was the first and only party that he ever threw, there were a total of five people, Mack, Dan, Xander, Emma and me. Emma got so drunk that we had to stay at Mack's house for the night, Xander fell asleep at ten, I accidentally fell into the pool, Dan made out with a mirror, and Mack recorded it all. She's been using that as blackmail for months now. But even though Xander's last party sucked, he wants to try again, but this time he's inviting more people. Like half the school. I'd like to see him stay up past eleven. He probably won't even make it to ten. He loves sleeping.
Once I put my phone down on my desk, I pull out my homework and really try to get in the mood to do it, then I put my homework back in my bag and end up watching Netflix. On days like these, I get so bored that I either go surfing, sleep, stay in bed all day, or bother my friends. And you know what, I think I'm going to bother my friends. I grab my phone from my desk and call Xander. The phone rings for a while until I hear, "Hello?"
"Xander! I'm bored, are you doing anything today?" I immediately ask.
"Well, um, Em. I actually have a date in an hour, sorry. But we can hang tomorrow, or Sunday." He tells me sounding guilty that I caught him about to go on a date. A date. The last person he dated was Emma. I feel like I've just been stabbed in the stomach. Why is it so easy for everyone to move on, except me? Mack replaced Emma when she asked me to try out for the cheer team, Dan replaced Emma when he told me he's gay- Emma and him were usually the ones who had secrets from everyone, they were the closets- and Xander replaced her by going out with someone else. But I can't replace her, at least not easily.
She's irreplaceable.
Or at least, she used to be. Anything that I did with Emma I removed from my life, except for hanging out with friends. I removed gymnastics, movie nights, sleepovers, and all makeup. Everything she did is gone. I can't do any of that without her, I would feel too lonely. I'm not even planning on doing anything for our, I mean my, birthday this year. We would always have a party. But birthdays are celebrating another year of life, but only I can celebrate that, she doesn't have any more time, she ran out of time four months ago.
I don't understand how it can be easy to just move on, she was special, she still is. Moving on is hard but I guess it's a bit easier if you don't blame yourself for that person's death. It might be easier because they didn't grow up with her. We didn't meet the three of them until fifth grade. Before that it was always just me and her. Her and I. We were the twins that would never get sick of each other, we were the twins that all the other kids were jealous of. Until we weren't. Now I'm jealous of all the other twins, the twins that still have their sister, the ones that won't lose their sister until seventy years from now. I'm jealous now, and until the day that I die.
If all my friends are trying to move on then so will I, I'll try gymnastics again, I won't like it, but I'll try. I grab my bag that has my leotard and head for the door. Today is the day I will move on, not far, but to start something, you take one step at a time.
***
Once I get to the gymnasium I put my hair up and put on my leotard. I look straight ahead to see the beam. That's what I'll do today. Small steps. I know this isn't going to be the same, not just because Emma isn't here, but also because my ribs and ankle are weak because I haven't done anything to strengthen them since the accident.
The beam kind of represents my life. It's straight and you can make it a straight shot or you can fall down a few times. If you want to be a winner, you can take a risk, that risk can end horribly or beautifully. It's up to you. The beam is a risk. Life is a risk, but not living is also a risk. I don't know if this is considered living, but it sure feels like it. The beam is a risk I'm willing to take, so shouldn't life be a risk that I should take?
***
Moving on after someone passes away is one of the hardest things to do in life. Death hurts, maybe it doesn't hurt us as much as it hurts that person, but when someone dies, it feels like we died with them. It's never been easy to let go. But sometimes, we don't really have a choice. This is a serious topic and if you've lost someone, then, I'm sorry and if you ever need someone to talk I'm here for you.
Besides that, thank you for the views and the stars, you are all amazing.
Lots of love, emma<3
YOU ARE READING
The Goodbye Note
Teen Fiction*COMPLETED* Ever since Emily's twin, Emma, died in a car crash, Emily has been looking for a note that Emma used her last words to tell Emily about. Emily wants to have a one more piece of her sister to hold on to, she wants one more thing to rememb...
