And Again

Chapter twenty-two

One Sunday morning in July, Nicky woke up to the realization that for the third time in his life, chemotherapy was causing his hair to fall out.

"Are you sure you're ok?" Allie asked as she stood in the bathroom door, watching Nicky look at his hair.

"Yeah" Nicky said. He was a little bummed about losing his hair but it wasn't like he didn't know it would happen. "I think I'm just gonna shave it though. I don't wanna be covered in hair all the time"

"Ok"

That night Nicky and Allie were in bed and she accidentally moved her head right on top of Nicky's chemo port.

"Ow!"

"Shit" Allie said as she quickly moved. "Babe, I'm so sorry. Are you ok?"

Nicky nodded.

"I'm really sorry"

"It's fine" Nicky said.

"No It's not. You have a needle in your chest and I just smashed it with my head"

"It's ok, I promise"

They went back to sleep and just before 7am, Allie heard the toilet flush. She glanced over and could see Nicky sitting on the bathroom floor. She got up and walked over to stand in the doorway. "Do you need anything?"

Nicky shook his head.

Just then they heard footsteps in the hallway and Jenna's voice.

"Don't let her come in here" Nicky said. It was one thing for Jenna to know he was sick and another for her to see it.

"I'll take her downstairs" Allie said. "You gonna be ok alone?"

"I'm just gonna go back to bed"

"Ok"

In September, after almost 4 months of chemo, Nicky had another PET scan and the next day he was sitting in his doctor's office.

"So you can see on the left is your scan from May, and on the right is yesterday" Dr Carson said. "The chemo has been effective but what I'd like to do next is actually operate. I think that at this point surgery can be extremely effective if not curative"

"How risky is it?" Nicky asked. He hated the idea that he could go into surgery and never come out. That he could leave Allie as a widow and Jenna without a father.

"Relatively low risk. It's about a 3 percent mortality rate" the doctor said. "If you decide against the surgery then we're looking at a mix of chemo and radiation"

——

A week later, Allie was standing in the hospital with Nicky.

"Hey" Allie leaned down to put her hand on Nicky's cheek. "Please don't die"

"I'll try not to" Nicky said as he reached to put his hand at the nape of her neck so he could kiss her. "I love you, so much"

"I love you too"

"Kiss Jenna for me"

"I will"

"And I'll see you soon"

10 hours later, Allie was sitting in Nicky's hospital room, waiting for him to wake up. "Hey" she said softly when she saw him open his eyes. "How do you feel?"

"Ow" Nicky groaned. He was still a little groggy from the anesthesia and that was all he could come up with to answer Allie's question. 

Allie took his hand and squeezed gently.