Venice; Money Heist

Andrés de Fonollosa

You could run from someone you feared, you could try to fight someone you hated. All my reactions were geared toward those kinds of killers – the monsters, the enemies. When you loved the one who was killing you, it left you no options. How could you run, how could you fight, when doing so would hurt that beloved one? If your life was all you had to give your beloved, how could you not give it? If it was someone you truly loved?

Lying on the couch in what we affectionately call our lounge, I find myself staring at the ceiling. My shift ended last night after we hooked up the television and watched my parents' interview. Despite being dead tired, I couldn't sleep a wink after I lay down. How could I, when all my thoughts revolve around whether this whole thing will end well? I can't help but think about everything that's already gone wrong, and what could still go wrong. It feels like there's a curse on our heist. No matter what we do, something always goes awry, and for some reason, my brother seems to be more involved in it than I'd like. At the same time, I keep thinking about Moscow, about how Berlin turns out to be an even bigger psychopath than I had assumed, and about how Denver shot Monica, which was again Berlin's fault. Denver... No matter how many times I remind myself to get him out of my head, I can't. I have feelings for him, but I'm too late. If only I hadn't said I needed time that night when they were both in my room, maybe things would have turned out differently. But would they really? Denver would have seen Monica and been smitten with her. Even if I had gotten involved with him and things had gone well, I don't think it would have changed much about her getting hurt and him taking care of her. He would have fallen for her sooner or later. No, no matter what... they would have ended up liking each other. Who could blame him? She's beautiful, smart, loving, and can stand her ground when needed, just like we saw from her Oscar-worthy performance from day one. And even though I believe she's developed some sort of Stockholm syndrome, I would wish for Denver to find happiness. I'll have to come to terms with that and focus on the only thing that matters - getting my family out of here by making sure everything goes according to plan. I can only hope that the Professor sees it the same way. And by that, I don't just mean Anibal, but everyone here. Nairobi, Moscow, Oslo, Berlin, Denver, Rio, and yes, even Tokyo and Berlin. Berlin, whom I haven't really thought about for days; my focus has been too much on Rio and myself. And I have to say, it felt good. I don't think anything would have really happened between us; the side of him he showed after we got here disgusts me. Taking advantage of vulnerable women to get close to them, although I must say his interactions with Arturo were always amusing. No, it's better this way. I'll make sure Anibal gets out of here, gets his island where he can even go with Tokyo if he wants, and that he can be happy, fat, and old without worrying about the future. But I have to admit that the number of injuries he sustained during the heist worries me. I feel like I let him down, like it's my fault. I'm his big sister, his protector. My whole life has been about giving him a better future and the love our parents couldn't provide. I'll give him his future, and if my life is the only thing that can give it to him, how could I not give it to him? He's my little brother, the one I played soccer with on the streets, the one I played games with, the one I chased around the house so he could play tag. So how could I not give him my life too, when he's one of the people I truly love? I never really thought about how I would die until shortly before the heist. But dying for Rio, someone I love, seems like the right way to go. Just as we speak of the devil, Rio enters the room with a shy smile. I sit up and smile back.

"Hey there, little brother."

"I wanted to see how you're doing. It feels like we haven't seen each other in ages."

"I was just thinking the same thing, but I think I should be asking you that. How are you? With the situation and what Berlin did?"

"I'm okay, really. Sure, my ribs hurt a bit, but warriors don't feel pain, right? And as for Berlin... I can kind of understand why he's mad about what happened, but he's just a psychopath. How could he do something like that?"