Love Yuh Bad

All I Ask

**** Three Days Later / Monday, June 26th 2023 ****

Noelle's POV

In more ways than one, I am experiencing grief at its most intense level.

I am grieving the loss of my life before all of this shit started to play out.

Grieving the loss of my friend, who decided to go against everything we built.

Grieving the loss of my safety, my protection, and my security.

Grieving the loss of my lover.

Everything that I once knew and loved, was no longer mine.

And I had no other choice but to sit down and accept it.

I've been playing Adele's 'All I Ask' on replay for the past two hours.

An endless loop was going on in the background as I bawled my eyes out on my bedroom floor.

Cyaa believe seh mi lose him...

I felt like I was drowning, thrown out with no life vest.

For a while, I thought God had sent Micheal to me for the long run.

But now I've realized that he was only mine for a little while.

I feel lost, confused, hurt, stupid, crazy....

But most of all I felt broken.

Moved myself across the ocean for my life to end up like this.

Maybe I was better off in New York....

Ever since I moved back to Jamaica, my life has taken on so many fucking twists and turns.

All the worst things I could ever imagine happening, have in fact happened.

At this point,  this has become a sick joke, one bagga foolishness.

"Noelle if mi hear dah song play one more time mi aguh throw di speaker outside" I hear my mother scream from downstairs.

She extra enuh...

Di music not even loud enough fi she hear it, ah problem she ah look.

But I know my mother, she doesn't make false threats.

Better tun it down before she come up yah and gih mi some raas lick...

Feel like she nah tek dis heartbreak thing serious, cause mi more dan serious right now.

She not even realize seh ah she next enuh...

Cause mi still need fi understand dis shit bout weh Kaelah tell mi.

Mi need answers, and mi know seh Marcia have dem.

"Don't know why di two ah unuh cyaa juss mek up and tun back fren"

I look up to see Dwayne standing at my bedroom door, a look of frustration on his face.

Even though he didn't say a name, I knew exactly who he was talking about.

"It doesn't work like that Dwayne...sometimes people are better off apart than together" I shoot back at him.

"Mi and Micheal need dat kinda separation right now"

It's been two whole days since I've spoken to Micheal.

When he came back from Portmore Friday night, we got into a really big argument.

We've had our fair share of arguments in the past, but this one was very different.