Life After Near Death

The Second Kiss

"Never close your lips to those whom you have already opened your heart."

― Charles Dickens

Natsu brought Gray home. Happy was still not back, so he quietly placed Gray on his own bed. It was still messy from that morning, but that just meant he did not have to pull the sheets back. He carefully laid Gray down and sighed in exasperation.

"You're an idiot, you know." Who did he mean: Gray for fighting until he passed out, or himself for bringing Gray here, to his house ... all alone?

Natsu pulled up a chair and watched Gray's sleeping face. Part of him thought this was boring, and part of him did not want to do something more fun. He rarely got a chance to just look at Gray. He had to admit, the Ice-Make wizard was really hot. He never would have told Gray that to his face, but Natsu was frequently jealous of Gray's good looks. It was partly why he got so annoyed whenever Gray began to remove his clothes. His face alone was handsome, let alone that sculpted body.

Natsu took the edge of his scarf and wiped away some of the rainwater dripping from the drenched, black hair. Then he let the scarf go and used his hand, softly stroking back the raven strands. He looked at the scar over Gray's eyebrow and caressed it, remembering that fight on Galuna Island. He had seen Gray ready to sacrifice his own life with Iced Shell, and Natsu barely stopped him in time.

Maybe that had been the start of it all. Not love, not yet back then, but ... perhaps acknowledgement. He realized then, he did not want Gray to be out of his life.

Then months as teammates, and Gray always seemed to come to Natsu's rescue. He never made a big deal about it. He would even say things like, "This is for last time," not realizing that last time he had also saved Natsu's life.

It was only fair, then, that Natsu sacrificed all he could for Gray's sake. He had a lot of karma to balance with this snowman. How many times had Gray saved his life?

Hesitantly, Natsu picked up Gray's chilly fingers and warmed them with his hands. For a moment, it reminded him of when Gray was still in the hospital. How often had he sat by the Ice-Make wizard's side like this, watching him sleep, hoping he would wake up?

"What is it like to love?" he whispered, gazing down at that sleeping face. "Only an idiot like you would ask me that. Everyone else is figuring it out: Erza, Happy, Lucy, even Loke now knows." Natsu reached one hand up and smoothed down the wet hair, using a little heat to help dry him. "You're the idiot who's blind. Stupid stripper."

The hand in Gray's hair stroked down to his cheek, feeling razor stubble and chilliness.

"I just wanna grab you and tell you sometimes," Natsu gnashed. "I wanna kiss you and scream, 'You idiot, it's not a girl I like, it's you! Why can't you see it?' But I ... I'm ... I'm too scared, and you didn't hear that from me," he said stubbornly.

There was a soft moan, and Gray's head moved. Natsu yanked his hand away and gulped back a cry. His heart pounded in terror. Had Gray heard all of that? Had he been awake? Natsu grabbed his chest in a stab of sharp pain from the spike of fear, but then a snore came out. Gray muttered something about sunflowers, and Natsu relaxed with a long sigh.

"Don't scare me like that, asshole," he grumbled. His pout deepened reflectively. "You really do scare me. I'm too scared to lose you as my friend. You're straight, and I'm not, and ... and what if I scare you off? What if I confess and chase you away?" He held Gray's hand again and looked at the bruises on his knuckles from their fight. "That'd be even worse. I can put up with you not being in love with me, but I can't handle the idea that you might hate me. That's ... that's just way worse than being alone with these feelings but still able to be close to you."