P for Perfect

Chapter 33- Ara

My best friend is a cosmic creation- Osas

I hate myself. But then I don't. But then I do.

Seeing Osas at lunch was hard enough, as usual she didn't eat that much. Her ulcer would kill her. But then watching her leave with Faith after the announcement kind of killed me. Knowing that I can't leave anywhere with her like that again, I can't even ask why Winnie came. Because I saw them leaving together. Was something wrong? Winnie lived in Kano, and she and Osas had a very weird relationship.

"Are you okay?" Jibril asks from his seat, worry etched on his face. We're in the chemistry lab, working on salts and bases. Actually I don't know what we're working on, I'm that distracted.

"I'm fine," I lie, taking a bit out of my Superbite. Jibril was a great partner, he could always sense when I was not mentally fit to play with chemicals and he'd voluntarily do all the work. Then again, no one wants to get burnt because of a distracted partner.

"Are you thinking about Osas? You two aren't talking anymore right?" He asks, looking at the reading of the beaker he was using. Half of me wanted Jibril to focus squarely on what he was doing but the other half wanted to spill my guts out.

"Something like that." Oh please.

"What happened? You both look miserable." That was a lie. Osas did not look miserable, I've seen her miserable. She didn't avoid my gaze when we walked past each other to our different classes, she didn't ignore me if she was greeting people in groups. She was cordially nice, and she only acted that way to people she didn't give a damn about.

"We had a fight."

"Obviously."

"It was about Alex but now that I think about it maybe it wasn't. Maybe Alex was just the cover up."

"You guys fought about Alex?" The disbelief is evident in his voice. I move over to sit on the stool across him.

"Alex and I started dating and when I told her about the...events leading to it, she was very much against it."

He finished with the beaker and moves it aside.

"In retrospect, was she right?" He asks, setting his notes aside as well.

"Well, she had a point about I how I handled things. But then she seemed so sure that I wasn't going to be able to enjoy the relationship. Like it's been doomed since the day it started and that just pissed me off. She doesn't know Alex, I'm not saying we'll grow old and die together but he's not going to like cheat on me or something."

"I understand, Osas can seem a bit pessimistic. But was she really saying that you can't keep a relationship or he can't keep a relationship?"

"I don't understand."

"What am saying is, although she may have be wrong, was her issue with you or with him? She believed he would break your heart in one way or another, she believed he wouldn't be able to keep you."

"But she can't just keep writing people off like that."

"There are reasons why people behave the way they do. Has it ever occurred to you that there is a reason she doesn't trust people?"

"I know the reason, her dad."

"Is that all? I mean I'm not her best friend but I do know that she's had her fair share of disappointments-"

"I know that too."

"And I personally don't think she writes people off, if she did you guys wouldn't have lasted as friends for so long."

"What?"

"I'm not trying to insult you but most of the arguments you've had since you met were fueled by you. You were the one who would stop speaking to her first. If she really didn't believe in people that much she would've stopped believing in you a long time ago." He pauses. "Everybody just has some people they don't feel okay around. Just like the way you don't feel okay around Faith."

If I was white I would be red by now.

"It's okay if you just don't get the right vibes around her, nobody's forcing you to like her. If Osas were a boy and she wanted to date Faith you would advise her not to. Why? Because you just don't feel okay with her."

"You have a point. I get it, but then there's the part where she's been distancing herself from me. I think the fight was just away for her to step away from the completely."

He pauses again. "I don't know the innerworkings of your relationship but what I do know is that...you've both been through things that mad you the way you are. We all go through it to. And if she knows what you've been through, it definitely helped her stay. Do you know what she's been through?"

Why does he keep going here?

"She doesn't tell me anything. I know her family isn't exactly normal but mine isn't as well."

"Do you ask Ara? Do you constantly ask?"

"I feel like in a relationship both should care about each other. I didn't feel cared about enough to ask."

"Then you were just being selfish. It doesn't always have to be about you first. I don't think Osas was looking for a way to get out of your relationship, I think she just wanted to not carry other people's burdens anymore. And I mean not just you, everybody else. For someone as closed up as she is you'd be surprised the number of people who vent to her. If you really miss her, I think you would ignore your defences and reach out to her. Be a good friend." He locks eyes with me for a minute before carrying his things and leaving.

Exactly how much about Osas does Jibril know? They've been friends even before we were friends. Nevertheless, I think he has a point. I need to find Osas.

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I really hope I didn't lay the Osas story too much. I'm not trying to throw a pity party, this wasn't how I planned the conversation but I've rewritten it too many times so I'll just let it stay. Maybe edit it later.

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