dirty little secrets → rc

56: in this for life

We love so easily 

yet break just as easy, 

Rafe was breaking. 

My Rafe was breaking.

My heart felt heavy as I stood frozen watching Rafe from afar. Deciding staring at him through the glass door was only breaking my heart into a million pieces I cautiously made a move closer to the boy I loved with his head buried in his hands.

"Rafe" I softly called out and once within arm's reach I was knelt down in front of him, "baby" I sighed watching him slowly drop his hands from his face causing me to spot the lone tear escape his blue eyes. Within a second I was curled up in his lap with my arms wrapped around his neck and I held him as he cried into the crook of my neck. I would hold him for as long as he needed, even if it meant eternity. That boy was my heart. 

"I'm trying Willa...I really am" he struggled to get the words out as I stroked his back trying to calm him even though I wasn't sure if there was anything to do at that point. "I know you are baby, I can see it," I said tightening my arms around him.

"I'm-I...I'm sorry" Rafe choked out and I could physically feel my heart crack.

Moments were Rafe was vulnerable was rare and close to impossible, he's the type of person to put on a facade and hide everything he feels no matter the severity. We were similar in that way..more similar than I'd like to admit. We liked control and bottling everything up eventually leads to it spilling out without your control and sometimes even knowledge. I knew that first hand. 

"Just please Rafe...please don't grab her like that again" I whispered quietly lifting my head from his shoulder and gently grabbing his face so he would have to look up at me. My words seemed to trigger more tears to fall but I needed that reassurance that Wheezie would be left alone. I needed it for my own peace of mind more than anything...I knew Rafe loved me...but everyone has a boiling point.

I shook my head, Rafe would never hurt me...I knew that. I bit my lip guilty to even let those thoughts come into my mind. 

Rafe broke our painful silence , "I'm...sorry...I-I didn't mean to I-" he trailed off staring at ceiling unable to meet my soft eyes. I used the pads of my thumbs to stroke his cheeks and wipe his tears away. "I know Rafe I know," I said softly.

"Please don't leave me," he said with a heartbroken expression looking into my eyes.

"Hey I'm here with you, okay I won't ever leave you," I said sternly slightly nodding my head staring right back into his red rimmed eyes. 

"It's me and you Rafe, just us"

"I just wanna be a better man. Be a better man for you....you deserve so much fucking better Lola" He took a deep breath wiping the last of his tears away. I ran my fingers through his hair again knowing he secretly loves it. 

"Rafe I love you...not who you pretend to be or who I think you are...I love you for you" I cupped his jaw gently stroking his skin with my thumbs, "You have me okay...completely" I leaned in to kiss his cheek. "I'm all fucking yours" I kissed his other cheek.

"How the hell did I get so goddamn lucky?" he threw his strong arms around me pulling me closer to his body warmth. I snuggled into his chest closing my eyes, "I ask myself the same question" I sung before nuzzling my face into his coral t-shirt.