BOUND TO MY MATE

CHAPTER 36

" Life is confusing. Life is hard. Life is a series of tough choices that make even the bravest of people cower. But it's also wonderful. And the difference between having a confusing life and a wonderful one is the people you choose to share it with." (Drena Payne)

I woke with a throbbing headache and an unbearable thirst. My hands instinctively found their way to my throat as I gently massaged it and groaned from the discomfort. Oddly, my throat would feel this dry, but I had no idea how long it had been since I last ate or drank something. And I was still determining whether what I ate and drank in my dream with Cal was real. Taking a deep breath, I eased myself off the bed, grabbed a cup off the nightstand, and took it to the bathroom.

I went to the sink and filled the cup with cold water. I greedily swallowed the cup's contents within seconds filling it back up again, repeating the same process. Glancing up at the mirror, I stared at my reflection. There were dark circles under my eyes and dried tears; the ring back wasn't me. Despite the physical changes, that wasn't what made the person staring back at me unrecognizable. No, the sadness, guilt, and heartache echoed throughout me, making this person, this face, a stranger to me. I'm still determining who I am.

Everything I thought made me who I am just wasn't there anymore. Every colorful aspect of my personality that I assumed made me special and unique was now a mixture of horror. I am nothing more than a shell of a memory of what I once was. What I once hoped to be. And there was no one to blame. No one to wreck over the coals. Perhaps this was the real me. Was it possible that the illusion I perpetuated was dissolving, revealing my true nature?

"Helena?"

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't hear the soft footsteps that entered my room, but I knew that voice. A voice that I didn't know how much I needed to hear until this moment.

"Mom?" My voice broke as I turned around and rushed into her arms.

I didn't think my poor eyes could produce any more tears, but they flowed like this was the first time I had ever cried.

"Ssh, baby girl. I am here. I am sorry it took me so long to get to you." Her familiar hands rubbed against my back, giving me comfort only a mother could bring.

She guided me back to the bed, and I could only stare at her. After everything I had just gone through, I didn't know where to begin.

"You look different but yet still the same." Her fingers brushed my cheeks. "You're my daughter but not my daughter, if that makes sense." She gave a light laugh—the one you usually give to break an awkward silence.

"Much has changed, Mom." I sighed. "And I am not sure where to begin, much less what I should tell you."

"How about I start first? I will tell you what I already know, and you fill in the blanks."

I nodded.

"I'm sure by now you know that your father was a werewolf, " I nodded a yes. "I always knew that there was just something different about him. He was the most handsome man I had ever seen, freakishly tall, and always did odd things that I couldn't explain. But even when faced with the truth of an impossible discovery, you find yourself trying to rationalize what you can't understand." Her lips turned down, "But I loved him still, even when I couldn't understand why he would love me. An ordinary human with nothing special to give but none of that mattered to your father. We were two peas in a pod and received the greatest gift. You. And what a blessing you were." She grabbed my hands, "But sometimes good things have to come to an end. I was not your father's mate, and I had to let him go for reasons you already know. You were about five years old, and we started noticing little things about you and how your eyes would change color when you were extremely angry or sad. You sometimes spoke in the third person or referred to yourself by another name. And there were times when you and your father would play, but afterward, he would be exhausted, almost lifeless."

My breath hitched as I realized I was sucking the energy out of others, even as a child. Even more bizarre was that my father left my mother because she was not his mate or because he was a selfish dick who chose to abandon us. How strange, though, that I couldn't remember any of this. Some things were clear, but other memories were as hazy as a fog-filled morning.

As I stared at my mother's face, even now, I could still see the genuine love she still had for my father. It was like even time couldn't take away her feelings for him. How lonely and unsatisfying it must have been to love someone you could never be with. I was only now beginning to understand how that might have tortured her. I respected her more than ever at this moment and understood why she settled for less regarding love. She could never have the one she truly desired.

How cruel it must have been for her to sit back and watch from a distance as my father walked into his happily ever after with someone destined to be with him. I also understood why my father said those horrible things to her. Maybe he thought it was best for her to hate him than to sit idly waiting for him to return an affection he couldn't.

"I know you don't remember much of your childhood with your father, and there is a reason why." My eyes widened as she delivered more truths. "At some point, you were beginning to harm your father more and more every day. You would get lost in what we thought were delusions or fantasies of another life—claiming to be someone else in love with a man that would find you soon and rescue you. We did what any other parent would do. We made it worse. We sought out doctors who all said that you were probably bipolar and suffered from schizophrenia." Her fingers shook a little as she held my hand, "We put you on medications, but they just had you behaving more like a zombie than my active child. Soon after, Rosa found us and explained what was happening and who we truly were. She did a spell that would block your connection to the Moon Goddess until you found your mate. Unfortunately, your father could not be around you anymore. Just the mere smell of his wolf of the supernatural would trigger you to do what came naturally to you."

I am one of the reasons my father had to leave my mother. How can she still love me?

As if she could read my thoughts, she pulled me closer. She was hugging me as if her life depended on it and crying.

"Don't you ever think that you are the reason why your father and I are not together? We would have given anything up to ensure you were safe, happy, and able to grow up without care as a child should. Granted, I haven't been your best mother or an example of a well-rounded woman, but I have loved you like all others before me. You're my rainbow after the storm. Everything that has made my life worth living has come from you. I love you, Helena, no matter what." Her words echoed in my brain, and I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding.

"Thank you, Mom." Although this was a trivial thing to say, it accurately conveyed my gratitude toward her. "I am so sorry you had to lose Dad over this, and I'm equally sorry that you had to watch him leave you for his mate. I wish I could make it better for you. You've lost time. love, and your pride because of the supernatural world." I sniffled.

She gave me a short laugh, "Time is so silly when dealing with matters of the heart, Helena. I love him now as I loved him then. And I believe I will meet him again, either in this life or the next, and maybe I will be destined to be with him. After all, look at you. Do you not believe love can transcend death, your proposed fate, and time?"

She had a point. Elijah and I found each other again, and the same went for Cal and me. With that thought, my troubling love triangle returned to my mind, and I felt defeated again.

"I can see there is more bothering you. Care to tell me about these mates of yours?" She gave me a knowing smile as my mouth took on a permanent scowl. Goddess, talking to my mother about boys! My love life. How has my life come to this?

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