Seeing Stars: A Blake Gray Story

21- After He's Gone

You climb in your car and break down even harder than you had in the airport. He was really gone and you couldn't stand the idea of going home and facing your parents alone. You knew your mom would have a hundred questions that she'd been too polite to ask in front of Blake. Your dad would have a lecture and advice about focusing on boys instead of figuring out your plans for the fall. Instead you facetime Addison, because in that moment she's the only one you want to talk to which shocks you because 2 weeks ago you would have never thought that would happen.

Addison: "Awe, why are you crying? What's wrong?"

You: "I just dropped him off at the airport..."

Addison: "Awe. I'm so sorry. How are you feeling?"

You: "Wait where are you?"

Addison: "I'm in my car on my way to Sway. The boys are having another party and Dixie wasn't feeling up for it after last night's party. So I'm coming over and we're gonna watch something in the movie room."

You: "You two are getting close."

Addison: "Yeah. It's been nice making a real friend out here finally."

You: "How are things with Bryce?"

Addison: "Taking it slow but he's alot of fun... Back to you and Blake though. What happened?"

You: "He came. It was amazing. He left. What more is there to say."

Addison: "There is a lot more actually. Obviously you have real feelings for him or else you wouldn't be so upset by him leaving. Can we talk about that?"

You: "You're right. But what's the point of having feelings when absolutely NOTHING can come from it. He lives in California and I live here. It will never work."

Addison: "Then come to California!"

You: "I can't. What would I do in California, Addison."

Addison: "What are you doing there? You want to be a photographer? There are so many more opportunities here for you. You could even enroll in the art school a few miles from here."

You: "I don't know..."

Addison: "Just come be with me here and we will figure it out together. That's what sisters are for."

You: "Where will I live?"

Addison: "My roommate has been talking about her boyfriend moving in full-time but we would need a bigger place to make it work. We can get some place big enough for all of us."

You: "I just don't know... Go hang with Dixie and have fun and I'll think about it but no promises."

By the time you get home, your parents are fast asleep and you're so grateful that you don't have to face them. You collapse on your bed and stare up at the ceiling wondering how you let yourself catch feelings for this boy. You had other boyfriends before, but you'd never taken any of them seriously. You'd always guarded yourself.

You tried to weigh the pros of packing up your entire life and moving to California. Your best friend was leaving and there would be no one you really wanted to see on a daily basis left here. Your parents wouldn't be able to nag you constantly. You'd be close to Addison. Blake...

Cons of moving weigh on you just as heavily. You aren't familiar with the area at all. You've lived in this town your entire life. If you had to get a regular full-time job to afford it, you might have to give up pursuing photography and that's been the only thing you'd ever been this passionate about until Blake...

Blake... There it was the only thing that stood out in all of the internal debate was that word. That face. That name. You grab your pillow and yell into it muting all the frustration that is escaping from your body. You throw the pillow across the room and get up to go take a shower and finish getting ready for bed.

You let the hot water run through your hair and down your back hoping it washes away our stress down the drain. No matter what you do, you can't get Blake's face out of your mind. It's almost as if you can feel his hand on your back...

His lips on your neck...

His skin against yours.

You can't take the silence anymore and get out, dry off and throw on your pajamas. You close your bedroom door and turn on music. You decide to start packing for your road trip with Avani tomorrow in hopes that it distracts your confusion. Your music is just loud enough that you don't hear the door opening. You turn around with your hairbrush in your hand to pack it and jump when you see your mom standing in your doorway.

You: "I'm sorry. Did the music wake you up? I really was trying to not be too loud."

Mom: "It's ok. Packing?"

You: "Yeah Avani and her family are going to be here to get me at 6am. I'm not looking forward to that alarm clock, but I'm excited to spend the day with her."

Mom: "You're doing a lot of traveling lately, huh?"

You: "Yeah... would that be such a bad thing if I traveled more?"

Mom: "I just want to see you settled is all. That's all your dad and I want. You to decide what you want with your life."

You: "And what if that decision didn't see me settled here?"

Mom: "Is this about Blake?"

You: "Maybe? Or even Addison... I miss her. Maybe even Avani... she has been begging me to enroll with her at school and it's not too late."

Mom: "I just want you to be happy. And whether you admit it or not, I think even you know that hiding away from the world won't ever make you truly happy. Just be sure whatever you decide is FOR YOU."

You: "I know that, Mom. I'm just confused."

Mom: "Get some sleep and wake me up to say goodbye before you leave ok? I love you."