Behind My Eyes.

realize.

what i fail to realize,

as you grab my hand and guide me through the dark and quiet house,

is that you have no intention of keeping me.

you stumble around looking for something to start a fire to keep us warm.

i stand in front of the fireplace in awe of the bumpy map of the mountains that sits framed above the mantle,

as i run my fingers over the texture you call my name.

you needed me to stand over you and shine a light,

that reminds me of all the times i've helped my handyman dad fix things and i smile.

as you continue your frivolous search for the matches the cold air seeps into my bones making me shiver.

the sound of the rain falling around us is oddly calming even if it's the middle of a brutal thunderstorm.

you strike a match and pray that it stays as you hold the orange flame to the papers.

i watch the flame lick its way down to your fingers as i hear you curse and drop the now burnt-out stick and try again.

the rain is coming down the chimney killing the flames before they have a chance to ignite,

much like how we are.

i hear the match strike the box and watch as you try again and your luck has improved because the fire blazes to life.

i watch the small but mighty flame overtake the papers and watch as it grows.

i look to my right and realize you've left my side.

i turn around and find you on the small bed that takes up most of the room.

i walk to you quietly and upon my legs hitting the bed i comment on how it looks comfortable.

i slowly slide onto it and notice that it is nice despite the circumstances.

i lay my head on your chest and rant about work for a moment before trying to hold your hand.

you had other intentions for me as you grab my hand and bring it elsewhere.

from that small gesture, the entire mood in the small room has changed.

the air is so thick i could cut it with a knife and i know that this is my own doing because you've begun to expect things from the late-night messages and pictures.

you don't care much for me and my thoughts as you continue to move me around at your whim.

i feel like a ragdoll, "is it supposed to feel like that"?

you don't seem so harsh in this lighting though if i'm being honest with you.

the way the orange light from the fire is casting onto your skin is almost beautiful.

the way you act now is different from how you used to be though.

i'm used to harsh words and snide remarks which makes me wonder how i even ended up here,

you've always been so rude to me but here i am lying under you as you caress my skin.

i think i just wanted someone easy and you always seemed like such an easy candidate,

you always did have a reputation and you're just upholding it.

i failed to realize something else that night,

you had no intentions of keeping me,

but baby i never had any intentions of keeping you either.