Fear (A Scarecrow Fanfic)

Chapter Six

"Once again, Doctor, it seems something is bothering you," Jonathan observed correctly.

I tried keeping my expression neutral, refusing to let him get to me, " How are you today, Mr. Crane?"

He smirked, leaning forward and narrowing his eyes, "Better than you appear to be.  Isn't it a little early for our session?"

I knew better than to respond and continued asking my questions.  As usual, each question somehow looped the conversation back around to me and my fears.  It was all I could do to keep my irritation under check in the eternity of fifteen minutes.  My smile was only real when I called an end to the session, relieved the day was over.  It was immediately replaced when I remembered my mother waited for me there and that was why I felt so run down all day.

I gathered my paperwork and returned to my office, wishing I could somehow delay the progress of writing my report so I wouldn't have to be home sooner. Without a delay, however, I knew this would only make things worse with mother and result in a longer winded lecture from her about proper educate and self discipline. Instead, my fingers flew over the keyboard in the hopes that I would have time to cry out the anxiety building up in my chest in the car.

The report was done in no time and I was leaving hours ahead of schedule. It was as if some greater force understood I needed time alone and I was beyond grateful.

On the way out, I stopped by the receptionist's desk, giving her a smile while trying to make my voice polite, "Linda, whenever my mother calls, could you tell her I'm busy. She's a distraction that I don't need while I work."

"Yes, Dr. Brown," she responded, not asking the questions I could see just behind her eyes.

Thanking her, I left, getting into my car and leaving the asylum. I found myself parking the car at a nearby park, sitting inside and listening to the white noise of Gotham City.  My body relaxed and I hung my head.  No tears followed, even with the pressure built against me, making me want to.

'Everything will be alright, Sarah,' I tried convincing myself, 'She'll go back to Blüdhaven, probably tomorrow, and you won't have to deal with her until you screw up again.  Easy enough, right?  Just don't let Jasmine distract you.  Don't divert from the schedule.'

I focused my breathing until I was able to find the strength to sit up straight, checking the time to see I had wasted enough of it and that it was time to deal with mother.  The possibility that if I showed up early to clean up the apartment until it was spotless, I would receive some sort of approval from her, even if it were minimal, popped into my head and made me smile slightly.  Starting the car, I drove back to my apartment, feeling almost giddy at the idea.