Drifting in the Space of Ramblings

Ramblings About Evil

Many acquaintances throughout my life have told me that I was a good person.

What does it mean to be a good person? I was never a good person; I have always simply been myself. Qualities and flaws. Kindness and wickedness. Joys and sorrows. Human. Full of imperfections and full of dreams. Making right decisions and wrong decisions. Hurting many people who cared for me and hurting myself in the process.

The wrong decisions were not the fault of a demon or something evil telling me what to do; it was my brain reasoning incorrectly. When a person lies or resorts to violence, whatever the situation, it is not something evil from hell that makes things the way they are, but the circumstances in which things happened for us to reach where we are at this very moment.

Evil is not subtle, I don't believe that. We are subtle. It is humanity's fault for the small things and not evil as a concrete form. Evil is much greater; it starves children, it instigates wars where thousands lose their lives stupidly and for nothing. Evil is so grand and so palpable that it astounds me that most people cannot see it.

When Hitler paraded through Germany or when Assad took power in Syria, evil was certainly there, reveling, indulging, and laughing at human weakness. How foolish we are and capable of committing heinous acts. It is evil that rapes children because if I start to believe that human beings are capable of such acts, I will lose all hope in the people who live on that planet that is now so far from my reach. I need to believe that the essence of human beings is good; deep down, we are all inclined to do good, but there is something there, something that consumes us, that denigrates us and molds us as it sees fit. Something in the darkness that grows like weeds when we are not looking.

"Only love kills the demon," said the serial killer in a movie I watched a long time ago.

I believe in the demon. In evil. Lurking in the dark recesses of narrow streets. Unlike other people, however, I do not think he is in every little mistake. I was never religious. God exists. I do not believe in the Bible; it was written by men. I believe in Jesus Christ, but I think if he wanted a Bible where we followed his teachings, he would have written it himself.

I look at the empty space that surrounds me, free from good and evil. Here, none of these things exist. Man and what comes after him have not conquered all of this yet. Angels, demons, gods, suffering, joy, resentment, love... Nothing exists here. Only me. I hope not to tarnish this incredible place with my body and my feelings. I hope that here remains here, without those things that consume the lives of all the people who are down there on that planet.

I close my eyes for a few seconds and try to feel something bad, but all I feel is silence and my body trembling with fear of what is to come. Fear and silence are the only things here... For now.