Drifting in the Space of Ramblings

Ramblings About Heroism

In Memory of Ray Bradbury

"I'm not a hero!"

"I never was."

Heroes are those who inspire others, who do what's right, and above all, who are not selfish. I'm none of those things. I may have visited some schools to talk about what it's like to be an astronaut to some kids, but it's all just a charade.

"Listen here, kid," - I would have said if it were true - "Being an astronaut has nothing to do with those movies out there; the job is the biggest bore, and we spend most of our time jerking off to pass the time."

I wished I could cross the galaxy with a gun in hand like Flash Gordon. Explore an unknown world like Mongo. Have a love like Dale Arden. A friend like Zarkov. An enemy like Ming with whom I'd have epic battles.

Being an astronaut wasn't exactly how I had planned.

Heroes are those who make it into history, it might be someone's grandfather or a great writer. And when I say history, I don't mean old encyclopedias and websites on the internet. Everyone has an individual story. Nobody remembers the names of all the explorers of the American continent, but many were heroes, others villains.

Villains leave a bigger mark on history than many heroes; Hitler could put Ming to shame. Mass extermination. Book burning. Mind control.

"It's not about neutrality only in the Second World War."

A hero is never neutral... Under any circumstances. A hero never pretends that problems don't exist. There are really too few heroes in humanity. There are too many villains.

I close my eyes and try to imagine my fantasy, my adventures, my enemies, and my extraterrestrial loves. A blue woman with orange hair. I'd like a green suit, red boots, and a rocket on my back; that's what I studied to be an astronaut for.

Being an astronaut never made me a hero; I thought it would, but I was wrong about that. I haven't met any astronaut who fits the hero profile; they were all ordinary people with ordinary lives. They'll probably call me a hero for dying in space in the service of science. They'll want to glorify my death for the circumstances it occurred. The Institute will even manage to raise a little more funding in my name. Soon I'll be forgotten, but I'll serve their purpose. The Institute will soon forget me and manufacture another hero, some other accident, who knows where; money needs to come in, and the marketing department is good at what it does.

"I'm a false hero!"

"Not yet."

"You have to die first to be a false hero."

"The good thing about being a real hero is that you can at least stay alive."