Loving the Ice Queen

Chapter 26

Barbara

We stared at each other for a long moment before the squeak of the door broke the spell. I continued to look at him, satisfying my parched soul. God, I'd missed him.

"I guess Eleanor is not my biggest fan at the moment," he said, his eyes fixed over my shoulder, partly amused and partly worried.

I looked back to see half of Eleanor's face peeking through the door, glaring at Ryan.

"Eleanora..." I said in amused exasperation.

Eleanor closed the door slowly, until only one glaring green eye remained visible.

"Remember, Barbara, James is available whenever you want," Eleanor said, then closed the door.

I was going to strangle her.

"Who's James?" Ryan asked. His left eye twitched.

"Someone," I replied. "What do you need?"

"Can we talk?"

I glanced over my shoulder. I had no doubt Eleanor's ear was glued to that door.

I went down the porch steps. "Then let's talk."

He wasn't going inside my place anytime soon. I led the way through the wild trees surrounding my house. The snow crunched under my boots, and the light was dim under the evergreens. Pirate bounded between me and Ryan. He was still unsure about Ryan.

When we reached the edge where my garden overlooked the beach, I stopped. Pirate went sniffing around. The water glimmered like countless crystals, the late afternoon sky casting purplish and gray hues on its surface.

Next to me, Ryan took a deep breath and let it out. "It's nice out here."

No words were necessary. I may have lost a lot to other people, but I had this place all to myself. It was my home.

Ryan shifted on his feet. He cleared his throat. "When is Eleanor moving away?"

I blinked. Keeping my eyes firmly on the waves in the distance, I replied, "you didn't come here to talk about Eleanor."

Ryan chuckled, rubbing his face. "No, I didn't."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him turn fully to face me. When he stayed quiet, I looked at him.

I wanted to cry.

The brown of his eyes was bright and arresting, the strands of his hair a dark silk swaying in the breeze. Looking at him was a sweet pain I couldn't get enough of.

"What do you want, Ryan?" I asked. My voice sounded desperate, in pain, and I hated him for making me feel this way.

He swallowed. "Miranda wanted us to get back together."

Silence.

The words echoed in my ears. I wasn't as surprised as I should have been, perhaps. Maybe I had felt it would happen after seeing Miranda and reading all the speculation and the news.

That didn't mean it didn't hurt.

"Congratulations," I said. "Jeremy must be happy."

Ryan shook his head. "We're not getting back together."

I shook my head, hating the way my heart skittered with hope and relief. Stop.

"You're not making any sense."

He rubbed his neck. "I was seriously considering it for a while. But I can't do it. I can't, and I shouldn't. We got divorced for a reason. Her addiction might have played a part in it, but our marriage was never a healthy one to begin with. It had failed before it even began."