Harper's Rules 1 & 2

Chapter 36: Harper

A/N: Mature content.

Let's get one thing crystal clear... I am no one's little spoon.

Except apparently Jake Harrison's.

Two hours after we fell asleep again, his wall of heat and sweat burned my backside, his sweaty armpit roped over my upper arm, and wave after wave of his hot breath panted down the back of my neck.

"I'm sorry." Jake's fingers traced over a faint bruise on my right hip with his lame apology, because both his smug voice and fucking sparkles in his eyes over my shoulder said he wasn't the least bit sorry.

"Don't apologize." I turned my head back and looked directly into his eyes. "I should be. I...bottle up everything inside, I disconnected myself a long time ago... because of you, for all people."

"If we're on the apology list, I owe you from seven years ago. What I said, what I did," he replied softly while his thumb rubbed arcs on my cheek. "Was wrong... I'm genuinely sorry."

"I bury myself into my physical feelings because it feels good," I murmured softly as his fingers intertwined with mine. "I don't have to feel anything else. And... you're the best one I've been with in that department."

"Same," was his immediate response. "Even with all the -"

"Okay, let's not go through the history highlight reel." I rolled my eyes. "And I'm not going to monologue all of your redeemable qualities because frankly I'm not sure if you actually have any."

"My charms?" His eyebrows lifted. I shook my head, but a smile tugged on my lips.

"My muscles?" I pretended I raked my eyes over his broad chest, which puffed up a little, then shook my head.

His lips split into an toothy grin. "My seven-"

My hand clamped over his mouth. "Yes."

I slid my hand down and placed it on the center of his chest. He wrapped his other one over and flattened my palm over where his heart rate throbbed wildly.

"You know what you do to me," he whispered quietly and pressed my palm tighter against his heartbeat. "But this is why I won't let you go. I... can't. I never have, and never will."

At that moment, I realized my heart was beating just as fast.

I cupped my palm to his cheek and gently grazed the rough stubble on his chin with the pads of my fingers. "Whenever I ran, when I took an out.. it was just my fucked up way of not wanting to admit I wanted you. And I... I still don't want anyone other than you."

With those words, the muscles in his face tensed and his jaw tightened, not with his typical

anger but a strained, unspoken emotion. His eyes shifted one shade darker and glossed over momentarily.

"We're fucked up," I choked out under the dry pressure that squeezed my throat tighter. "Messy. We can't communicate clearly without fucking first. But..."

Come on inner Hallmark. Help.

"Sometimes the hardest relationships are the ones worth not giving up."

That sounded better in its previously thought about version.

"Not giving up?" Jake's eyebrows drew together and he softly snorted. "Really? That's your line?"

"Roses are red, violets are blue..." I paused while my shoulders pitched at the laugh I held back. "Fuck my tits? I don't know!"

As I hoped, Jake's head tipped back and he laughed loudly.