Need You (ShinDeku)

Ch. 36 - tell

A/N: hi again, it's part 2 of the double update! Have you guys met Shinso's parents yet? It's hard to keep track of my plot sometimes and I have a bad memory so I don't remember which chapter it's in. A simple yes or no would be helpful, or you guys could ignore me and I'll figure it out some other time when I'm feeling less lazy.

Trigger warning: feeling like you have no control over your negative thoughts, intense feelings of uselessness/worthlessness. Midoriya is sort of battling with himself in this chapter and he's more or less talking to himself in his head for part of it. He does not have a voice in his head, it's just him assuming the worst from Shinso because he's tired and stressed and thinking about the past. Overall, he's also just thinking really negatively about everything. This is only the first part of the chapter, so you can skip to where it says (⚠️trigger warning end⚠️) if you don't feel comfortable reading it. Be safe guys!
Have fun reading!

Izuku POV
(⚠️trigger warning start⚠️)

When I enter the room my emotions hit me like a brick, and I start crying again. The tears fall hard and fast, temporarily stealing my eyesight. All I'm left with is the faint smell of the perfume she used every day, and even that will leave me soon. I'll have no one left. It's just like the league said, no one wants a useless nobody like me, and they'll all leave. Aizawa and Mic will realize how damaged I am and leave me, and Shinso's already figured it out. He'll be gone soon. I might get kicked out of the hero course because I'm so useless and scared, and then I'll have nowhere to go.

Shinso's beautiful purple eyes that I turn to for comfort become cruel and cold in my mind. He'll push me away and call me a freak, like the kids in middle school used to. Because that's all I'll ever be.

My hand will never be back to normal and becoming a hero will be out of the question. I'll never be able to fulfill my mom's dying wish, so I'll be a disappointment to her too.

I haven't even seen All-Might since I was rescued, and I don't think he was on the rescue team. He's probably so disappointed in me for failing as his successor. I let him down. I let everyone down.

My mind reverts back to that place and my chest tightens as my brain takes a tour through my memories. My finger gets broken, then a knife is twisted in my leg, then I'm beaten until I pass out, but mere seconds later I wake up spluttering and coughing as water is poured on my face. All the creative ways they hurt me flash through my head at a million miles a second and above it all are the never ending insults on repeat in my head.

Why won't it just stop? Why do I feel like I have no control over whether or not I think about it?

"Midoriya?" Shinso appears in front of me and I flinch, crying harder.

"G-get away!"

That's no way to talk to a friend, what's wrong with you?
"It's just me, I won't hurt you."

"Make it stop." I beg quietly, clutching my head. I don't wanna think about it.

You're being so rude, bossing him around like that. He's going to hate you.
"I'm right here, you're safe alright? I just need you to listen to my voice."

I hug my knees to my chest, forcing myself to nod and lessening the shaking of my leg.

Don't listen to him. He's going to leave you. You're stuck with me forever.
"It's gonna be okay. Do you want to hold my hand?"

I think I nodded, but when I felt someone touch my hand I flinched violently, crying out.

Look how difficult your being. Why can't you stop being childish and just act normal?
"Hey, I'm sorry, why don't we try deep breaths instead?"