Nothing but Heartbreak

23. Broke my back

When I woke up the first thing I felt was misery. Everything that happened the night before came crashing into my mind and I almost threw up right there.

Had I actually thrown myself at Harlan and gotten turned down? I mean I understood why he had said no. I was out of my mind last night and not only due to the alcohol. Unfortunately all those emotions I had due to my shitty father I had thrown straight at Harlan.

How was I supposed to face him today? Drive an hour home in a car with him?

The room was silent as I opened my eyes. I scanned the small hotel room and came up empty. I peaked over the bed to see the spot where Harlan had slept empty.

Had he left?

The last place I could think of where he would be was the bathroom and when I turned to look the door was open and the light was off. Harlan was nowhere to be found.

Which was not completely a surprise besides the fact it seemed so improbable. How would he even leave? He didn't have a car and it was an hour ride, it would cost a fortune to pay for a ride. I couldn't really blame him though. I mean if I were him I would've left too.

I had been an asshole last night. Harlan was just doing the right thing and I had lashed out on him for it.

I looked down and saw that I was still in just my bra and underwear. I decided I should probably throw some clothes on and get ready to make my trip back home.

Maybe I should try to call him and apologize. I should probably make sure he made it back ok if he actually somehow left and went home.

I had just slipped my shirt on when the door to the hotel room clicked open. I turned to see Harlan slipping inside holding a plate of food.

"Hey you're awake." He stood there a look of surprise on his face.

"Yeah I woke up about five minutes ago." I nodded.

I didn't know what to say. Was I supposed to just blurt out an apology? Was I suppose to tell him about my feelings?

"I brought you breakfast." He held up the plate in his hand.

"Oh thanks." I smiled.

"I figured you'd be hungry when you woke up." He passed the plate to me and I happily took it from him.

How was he being so nice to me when I had been so awful to him? Even after last night here he was getting me food and being so considerate of my feelings.

I seriously couldn't love this guy more than I did right now. But I knew I didn't deserve a guy like him.

"I don't deserve all this especially not from you. You don't have to be nice to me like this." I frowned down at my plate not able to look at him as I said the words.

"Don't." He held his hand up stopping me.

"What?"

"I'm not going to stand here and listen to you put yourself down like that. You had a shit day yesterday and you took your anger out on me. I get it and just because you have a bad day doesn't mean you don't deserve to have a nice breakfast." Harlan said truthfully.

How was he so understanding? He seemed to just know me so well and understand where I was coming from. It honestly scared me. I loved him so much and he knew me so well it was hard not to think that maybe he could see it. Could he tell just how much I've cared for him all these years?

"Just because I had a shit day doesn't mean I should've lashed out on you and I'm sorry for being an ass last night. You didn't deserve that." I apologized.

"I didn't but it happened and I'm ok with just moving past it."

I wanted to kiss him again. I mean the timing right now is definitely not ideal but I had gotten the taste. I had finally kissed him and it was the best feeling I have had in so long. Him standing here being so nice to me wasn't helping with my restraint. I didn't even know how he felt about me and after last night I might have ruined those chances.

"How can you be so nice to me right now? I was awful last night and I don't des-," I was cut off by Harlan's hand covering my mouth.

"Shut it. I said I wasn't going to stand here and listen to you put yourself down. I care about you Ava and I'll be here to give you what you need whenever. I understand last night you needed an outlet for the anger and if that happened to be you turning me into your own personal punching bag then I will be that for you. You got me always." He pressed a kiss to the top of my head and I immediately relaxed underneath him.

"Why can't you just be an asshole? It's easier to deal with that side of you." I groaned once Harlan uncovered my mouth.

"You know I could be. I thought about it when I was laying on the hard ground. I think you might have broke my back and not in a good way." He laughed falling onto the bed next to me.

"Wow I wish I could imagine what it would be like to have to sleep on a hotel floor." I shot him a playful glare.

"Hey that one was all on you. I offered to share the bed with you."

I couldn't stop the smile from spreading across my face. It felt so amazing to be semi normal with Harlan. There was the elephant in the room which was the kiss and the whole thing where I tried to throw myself at him. I was slightly thankful he had decided not to talk about that part of the night.

But just because it wasn't being talked about didn't mean that kiss wasn't on repeat in my head.

It was all I could think about and that was definitely a huge problem.

One I needed to solve soon.