It wasn't meant to be ✔️

Chapter 1

The horrible smell of the hospital was nothing new to me.

It reminded me of bad memories, ones that reminded me of when my life turned bad. It was here that I was informed that my mum had stage 4 cancer, it was here that they said she might survive and... it was here that they said she won't be with me within a couple of months.

I gripped my polystyrene cup of coffee. I used to hate coffee but now it's what I survive on. I don't sleep at night, worrying about my life without my mum, my precious mum. If she left, then there would be no one to care for me, no one at all. Since the other lot have left. My blood boils just thinking about them. All of them. My father initiated it. He went to Pakistan for a 'holiday'. Only for us to get a call a month later to say that he had remarried and wasn't planning to come back at all. He even had the nerve to say to my mother "I'll give you a divorce if you want." In response to this my mum cried for days, screaming and screeching, cursing her fate. She wanted to end her life, the very woman who gave birth to me wanted to die.

Remembering those dark times, my eyes brimmed with tears and they started to fall, out of my control for once. She was laying on her bed, curtains closed which was unusual as she was always awake for Fajr and stayed awake, I went to open the curtains and that's when I realised. 4 empty bottles of sleeping tablets, some pills were scattered on the floor. I screamed. I didn't know what to do. My siblings ran in. Looking at the scene, they just shrugged. I was hysterical "Why aren't you calling the ambulance?" "Why should we, she's gonna die one day, is she not?" My brother questioned the others who just nodded and with that they walked away. 'was this how her own offspring was going to repay her' I finally jumped into action looking for my phone, i dialled 999 and an ambulance was here within 5 minutes. She spent the next 3 weeks in intensive care. It broke me. The strongest woman, the one who faced so much in life, wanted to end herself not even caring about her daughter. The one who was ready to listen to her, to all worries and the one who just wanted her by her side. After all, a mother's love and duas were all that one needed in this zalim duniya.

When I came back one day from the hospital, alone-i was the only one who would go, she used to ask about the others, but they never once asked about her. I saw my eldest sister and younger sister, standing side-by-side, with suitcases by their side. "Where the fuck do you lot think your doing?" I asked sternly. With the same coldness, the eldest answered "Going to live with khala. She's found me a rishta and is going to marry me off and she'll keep this one until she finishes her studies and do the same thing." I scoffed "Really? You're thinking about marriage while OUR mother is in hospital fighting for her life." "Well, I didn't tell her to commit suicide did I?" With that, they pushed past me and walked out of the door. Shocked, I stayed rooted to my spot for a few moments, and then the anger took over. I followed them. "OI, bitches!" I screamed. "Khuda karay tum dono kuttay na mout maro". This triggered the eldest. "What makes you think you're so perfect?" "At least I'm not leaving my mother at her most vulnerable point of her life!" She walked towards me and simply said "I don't give a flying crap about THAT woman." I lost all control and I punched her, not realising my key was in between my fingers and next thing I saw was blood, lots of it. I felt bad at first but then I remembered what she said. She was sat on the pavement with a bloody nose. I'm not going to lie bit it was a funny sight. I started to walk off and then I remembered, I said "Don't contact me or her. Don't come here ever again. And DON'T YOU EVER DARE TO SHOW YOUR FACE TO ME AGAIN! Cause I will kill you next time, I've just shown you a trailer, you don't the full thing do you now?"

"Psycho" she screamed at me.

"Do you want another punch, you bitch?"

"Psycho" she screamed at me.

"Do you want another punch, you bitch?"

I know this was wrong, I know she is older than me, I know she is my sister but she wasn' t acting like any of those things. I walked away towards the house, I heard a pair of scampering feet and I turned around and to see Shazia Baji, a neighbour, she was like a true sister she was there, she was my proof that family doesn't always have to be blood. And wasn't that the truth, my blood sisters were walking away and here she was running towards me. She caught up to me, worry in her eyes.

"Are you Ok? You hurt anywhere?" Worriedly holding my arms.

I gave her a smile "I'm bilkul fine".

"Why do you always have to scare me like that?"

That's when I broke, I broke trying to be fine, trying to show the world I was fine. I remembered when my mum was fine and she would care for me like that. I grabbed onto her arms and started crying. Tears that had been built up by resent, anger and betrayal. She wrapped her arms around me allowing me to let all my tears out. We stayed like that for a good 5 minutes, I realised I couldn't be selfish with Shazia Baji. She had her own family who needed her and loved her. Clearly mine didn't. I broke from the hug, thanked her and walked back into my house.

I heard shuffling from the room that next to mine, I forgot I had another sibling. My brother. I opened the door and walked in. What I expected to see was exactly what I saw. Him packing his suitcases. I scoffed. Of course he was going to go, if my mother's own daughters had the nerve to go, he definitely would as well. He looked up from his suitcase    "you going as well then?" "Yeah but I'm going for my job. I finally found somewhere decent and I can't let this opportunity slip through my hands. Never" " you're willing to put this duniya over the person who brought you into it?" I was tired, I needed rest, not more of this bullshit that everyone kept throwing at me. I simply stated "Get out this house before the morning. I don't want to see your face not now nor ever again.  Don't bother to contact me, don't keep an eye on me and don't you dare ever come near MY mother!" I was tired, it's not fair. Why were they leaving in our mother's time of need it made no sense, no sense at all. I couldn't be bothered nor need them. I just needed my mother. I would help her take care of her like she did for me, I would provide for her and do everything she needed. I was going to be there for her even if no one else was. "Wait" I was pulled out of thoughts by my so-called 'brother'. "I'm staying for a month. Then I'm going. I've found you a job at a restaurant, you'll mainly be doing weekends but sometimes you'll be called in on a weekday. Go if you can. And you'll be restarting your driving lessons. I think a few more lessons and you'll be ready for your test. And you've passed your theory already, haven't you?"
''Yeah" I replied " But... why are you doing all this if you're gonna leave us?" I questioned in response he sighed.

"You're still my blood at the end of the day and I can't leave you hanging here, can I now?" I roll my eyes whilst he carries on " and who knows he might stop sending money"

"well you could do so, if you're not going to miss this golden opportunity" I mock him. He clenches his jaw and just states "I'm doing this for your sake."

"My sake! Then you wouldn't be leaving at such a crucial part of my life. WOULD YOU NOW?" He raises his hand as if to hit me and quickly lowers it.

"Shown me your masculinity then?" And with that I turn and walk out the room, anger raging in my blood.

******

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