"Finding happiness within because that's where true joy lies."
Damilola Amarachi Oyelowo is an independent doctor forging a new life for herself in the city of Lagos, Nigeria. Behind her smiles is a troubled heart and she pours her heart, mind and s...
I stood up sharply as I stepped away from Demola. My phone fell out of my of my hand and tears flowed freely from my eyes.
He rushed towards me. “Honey? What’s wrong?”
“Don’t touch me!” I said, backing further away from him.
“What the–? Amara talk to me,” he pleaded.
“I need to go!” I tried to leave, but he rushed to the door and blocked the way.
“Damilolamiowon. Damilola my precious one. You can’t just leave!”
I looked into his eyes, unable to control the sobbing. “Who is AB Konpo?”
Demola froze.
“So it’s true?”
His eyes shone with tears but they didn’t fall. “Honey, please let me explain. It was self–”
This time I raised my voice. “It was what? When did you plan on telling me that you killed someone? Who knows, maybe there are others! Is that the foundation of your wealth?”
That hurt him badly, because for the first time ever since I met him, he shouted at me. “How dare you! I work my arse off for everything I have and God crowned my efforts! I am not a murderer! I have been caring, supportive and tolerant of you since we met. You can't stand there and conclude that I am a murderer just because of an e-mail. Do you even know the source?”
“I don’t have to know the source! Something as terrible as that happened and I’m hearing it from elsewhere! How do you expect me to trust you?”
“What the heck Amara! I wanted to tell you everything but some things are really hard to say! By the way, you should take the beam out of your eye before you try to take the speck out of mine! You haven’t been totally honest with me either! We are adults in a relationship, and you are so damn emotionally cold!”
“I told you I was a virgin and I wanted to keep myself for marriage!” I retorted.
“Yeah, I get that and respect you for it, but that doesn’t explain how you panic when we are alone, and how you have anxiety attacks when I try to be romantic! You won’t even come to my house! Obviously there are stuff you are not telling me too! When did you intend to tell me why you are as cold as ice! I have been forcing myself to try and understand. I trusted you to explain everything when you are ready because I lo–”
Demola shook his head and stepped aside. “I shouldn’t have blocked your way.”
I looked at him one more time, my heart breaking into a million pieces. So disappointed in how we were so close to each other physically yet so far away emotionally.
I should have explained why I had problems connecting with him emotionally, and why I battled with anxiety.
I never tried to put myself in his shoes and imagine what it must have felt like to feel the lack of affection.
Demola Adekunle Davies. Obim. I loved him but never told him. I did not love myself enough or open up fully, and neither did he. Now, I had to let go.
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