Yesterday | Seth Clearwater

Chapter 11

Cold, dark sea

Wrapping its arms around me,

Pulling me down to the deep.

All eyes on me.

~ Of Monsters and Men "Sinking Man"

"Yeah... I quit," Brooklyn said definitively as she stared at the empty plastic cup that was being offered to her.

She was in the locker room, and soccer practice had just started moments earlier. Before they could leave the room, their coach had notified them that they would be drug tested today. Brooklyn knew that they often looked for more than just drugs with these tests, and if she complied, they would surely find out about her pregnancy. And since her coach is a mandated reporter, the school would call her mother, or possibly a social worker, if anything showed up in her results. She couldn't let that happen. If or when she decided to tell her mother— she still hadn't decided what to do— was going to be on her own terms.

"What do you mean you quit?" Her coach demanded.

"I mean, I quit the team," Brooklyn repeated. "I won't be playing soccer anymore."

She didn't wait for a reply before grabbing her stuff and walking out of the locker room, and making her way home. Okay, maybe she shouldn't have quit in front of everyone like that, especially when they were about to be drug tested. She knew it was suspicious, but she needed to control the situation before it got out of hand, and this seemed like her best option at the time. Plus, if she decided to continue the pregnancy, then she would've had to quit eventually— contact sports generally aren't recommended for pregnant women.

Brooklyn wasn't sure what she wanted to do. She wasn't ready to be a mom— she's still a kid. Maybe if she had a better support system, she would feel more capable, but her mom was never around, her brother moved out because he couldn't stand to be around her, and Seth had practically dropped off the face of the Earth. She hadn't heard from him in a week, and he hadn't answered her phone calls or texts. Besides, Seth was just a kid— just like her. He didn't even have a driver's license yet. Plus, his dad had just died, he already had so much going on. His whole world had changed in such a short amount of time, she couldn't add more to his plate. Especially when she wasn't even sure if she was going to keep it. Not to mention neither of them have jobs. Brooklyn couldn't ask her mom to financially support another kid.

And then there was college. If she decided to have a kid, there was no way she would end up going to college— the little money she had would be going to the kid. She probably wouldn't even be able to finish high school. There would be no one to look after the baby while she was in classes, and she would probably be way too busy with motherhood to put enough effort into her schoolwork. Especially with her current course load. 

Oh god. What were people going to say? She couldn't even imagine. If she kept the baby, and continued coming to school everyday, she would surely face a sea of judgement and ridicule every day. She wasn't confident that she could handle that.

And there was Paul. He was such a loose cannon— there was no way he would be okay with this. Brooklyn was scared that if Paul found out, he would do something to Seth. 

Maybe Brooklyn was getting ahead of herself. She didn't even know how far along she was. Her periods had always been a little irregular because she was an athlete, and Seth and Brooklyn weren't the most responsible when it came to using protection, so there was no way of knowing what her options even were at this point. She hadn't even seen a doctor yet, hell, she hadn't even scheduled an appointment— if Brooklyn was being completely honest, she wasn't sure how she was going to pay for the appointment or how she would even get there once she could pay for it. 

What a mess. Brooklyn felt like such a stupid teenager. She should have been more careful, but the truth was, Brooklyn and Seth just weren't very cautious. Sure, they had learned about safe sex in Health class, but they didn't think anything would ever actually happen to them— it only happened in the movies, right? And condoms were kind of expensive and embarrassing to buy, especially in a town where rumors and gossip spread like wildfire. Not to mention, they had been trying to keep their relationship private, so they couldn't buy them in most stores in La Push because the employees knew them and their family members. There were only so many times Seth could steal them from his sister before she started to notice.

Brooklyn couldn't help but notice that all of the reasons they hadn't been careful suddenly felt so small in comparison to what was happening to her now. 

She could practically hear the older La Push residents preaching at her already. "Abstinence is key," they would say. But for her, that wasn't true. Sex gave her a way to feel close to the boy that she loved, and she knew he felt closer to her too. It strengthened their relationship, and it created a bond with Seth that she knew would last forever— even if they didn't end up together in the end. Brooklyn knows that that isn't the case for everyone, or even most people, but she had always felt sure about Seth, and she didn't regret loving him. Not to mention, it felt good, and she loved making Seth feel good too. She just wished they had been a little less short-sighted. 

What was she gonna do now? 

Brooklyn sighed. She doesn't have to make up her mind today. 

She's snapped out of her thoughts at the sound of her phone ringing. The caller ID says that Shawn is calling.

"Hello?" she answers.

"Hey, did you know there's a rumor that I'm selling you drugs or something?" Shawn asks.

"Uh, no. I didn't know that," Brooklyn responds.

"Okay... Well your brother definitely does," Shawn says. "Because he just showed up to my house, punched me in the face, and yelled at me to leave you alone. I'm pretty sure he was holding back though, because my cheekbone doesn't feel broken, and we both know that he totally could've broken my face if he wanted to. So I guess that's a plus."

"Oh my god, are you okay?" Brooklyn gasps. "I can't believe he did that."

"Nah. I'm good. It's not the first time he's punched me in the face. I just wanted to give you a heads up that he's angry and throwing punches," Shawn replies. "Also, could you maybe tell him that the rumor isn't true? I don't want to get beat up again."

"Uh, yeah, no problem," Brooklyn says. "Look, I wouldn't blame you if you don't want to hang out with me anymore. I wouldn't want to hang out with the sad pregnant girl with the insane violent brother if I was you."

"No. I want to keep being friends with you," Shawn says. "One day he's going to find out what was actually going on, and he's gonna thank me for taking care of his baby sister. He loves you a lot more than he hates me. And who knows? Maybe one day he'll even want to be friends with me again."

"I hope so," Brooklyn tells him. "You're a really good person, you know that?"

Although Shawn was reluctant to admit it, Brooklyn knew how sad he was that he was no longer friends with Paul. He joked about it a lot, but she knew that it was an open wound for him. Her friendship with Shawn might have stemmed from his broken friendship with her brother, but she was grateful to have him— especially now. 

After her phone call with Shawn, Brooklyn thought about calling Paul to yell at him, but she thought that it might only provoke him further, so she decided against it. Instead, she tried to work on homework, but she ended up thinking about what might happen in the near future. She thought about all of her options and the difficult choices she would have to make. She thought of the consequences of those choices. But she didn't know what the right choice was, or even the best choice. They all felt wrong. She didn't want to be a mother—not yet at least. But then again, maybe she didn't have to be. Brooklyn didn't feel prepared to make any major decision, so she decided not to decide anything yet. That was the only choice that felt right.