Living With The Bad Boy [COMPLETE][VERSION ONE]

Chapter 32

I don't get to talk to Noah until after school on Thursday. He offers me a ride Monday morning, but there's no way I'm going to dump my boyfriend while he drives 30 minutes out of his way to take me to school, and I honestly can't go on... pretending anymore.

And yet, that's all I seem to be doing. Pretending with Jase, with Noah, with myself...

I don't know when I realized I had feelings for Jase, maybe it was something I've known from the start of this whole mess, from the day I arrived here when he was being an absolute ass to now.

But feelings might be too strong a word. I'm attracted to him. Physically attracted. It's nothing more than the feeling I get when I look into his eyes, the chisel of his jaw as he clenches it, the way his muscular arms fill the sleeves of his t-shirt all too well.

Despite whatever I feel or don't feel for Jase... I can't just keep stringing Noah along like my back-up option, and I can't pretend to ignore the fact that as much as I like Noah, as much as he makes me content and he's respectful and kind and objectively a good kisser, I just don't... feel the spark.

"Hey, babe," Noah says, walking up behind me and yanking me out of my thoughts in a millisecond as I whirl around to face him, the sunlight of the school parking lot reflecting in his dark brown eyes. "I-uh-hi, Noah." My heart starts pounding as soon as I see him, but not in that good way, the way that sends tingles up my spine and feels like I just got struck by lightning... it's the kind of heavy pounding, the knowledge of what I have to do that's weighing on me. "Um... you know you're a great person, right?"

"I- um," Noah gives me a strange look, halfway between amusement and confusion. "Thank you?"

"And- and I've really enjoyed our time together, and trust me none of this is your fault, I just... think that maybe we aren't ri-"

"Hang on. Sienna, are you breaking up with me?" Noah asks, the shock on his face building a pit of guilt in my stomach.

Am I breaking up with Noah? Is this really what I want to do- leave the one boy who has never let me down, who's made me feel happy and wanted and whom I really like? For... something that I'll never have? Something I'm not even sure I want to have?

"No," I say quickly. "J-just kidding. I'm not breaking up with you. I want- I want to do this. I want to be together. I changed my mind."

"Are you fucking joking, Sienna?" Noah asks, and it's the first time I've heard him swear, even raise his voice. There's shock and hurt in his eyes, written between the lines between his brows- and I feel terrible knowing that I'm the one who hurt him. "You can't just half break up with me and then expect everything to be fine, Sienna. That's not how this works. God, I'm an idiot." He shakes his head, looking up at the sky like it's going to give him answers he doesn't have.

"You're not an idiot, Noah."

"Yes I am," Noah says, looking back down at me. "You- you really had me fooled, Sienna. All this time I thought that we were good, that I was the one you wanted. I've spent two months trying to convince myself that you didn't like Turner- but it's always been him, hasn't it? You were just stringing me along for backup."

It stings how bitter his tone is, how obvious I've apparently been, how much I just hurt him. "Noah... this isn't about Jase, I promise."

"BS. Just admit it, you've been in love with him since I met you."

"I am NOT in love with Jase!" I yell, not caring that my voice carries across the parking lot. There's no one to hear me right now, anyways. "This has nothing to do with him- it's about me and you. And I just... don't think we're the right fit for each other anymore."