Say When

N I N E T E E N

The heavy glass doors swung closed behind me as I stepped out into the afternoon sun. I twirled the plastic card around in my hand. It was my birthday and I officially had a bank account An adult bank account with a debit card with my name on it... and a checkbook. I made a mental note to google "how to write a check" before shoving my card into an empty spot in my wallet.

I felt accomplished and one step closer to Columbia. I practically skipped the five blocks back to my house.

I entered the house and threw my key on the table. I heard the TV on in the living room. I wondered if my mom was up again, and if she was, should I attempt a conversation. I rounded the corner into the living room.

"Happy Birthday!"

The room exploded in raucous hoots and hollers in unison. My Dad and Mom, Chris, Sharon, and Rita all stood there. A cake sat on the table. Chris pressed a button on his phone and 50 Cent flowed through the speakers. Apparently, I was a shawty and it was my birthday. I played annoyed but I was really delighted that my family remembered.

I walked into the living room trying to suppress a smile. My Dad produced a lighter and brought the candles to life. He urged me to make a wish. It was a stupid superstition but I actually found myself hoping that wishes come true. I wished for new experiences. I prayed that these walls would continue to fall further and further behind me.

"Happy Birthday, baby girl. This is from us." My Dad handed over a beautifully wrapped square box. I took a seat on the couch. I tore at the bow and ripped the paper until a cream colored box was exposed. I opened it slowly to find a gold necklace with a small pendant that mirrored the curves of a woman. Her hands were above her head in mid-sway. The pendant reflected the curve of her hips and stopped mid-thigh. It was gorgeous. I looked at my Dad.

"Thank you, Dad. It's beautiful."

"It's your Mother's." He said. My Mom nodded in her seat next to him. She had more color to her today and she had her hair pulled back into a neat ponytail.

"My mother gave it to me when I was accepted into Dance School." She stared at the necklace in my hands with a smile.

"I didn't know you went to a Dance school," I said looking at her. Her face dove into reminiscing. She nodded but didn't say more. Chris sensing the awkward silence spoke up.

"And I got you this! I'm not sure what it is though." He played coy as he pulled a rectangular box from under the coffee table. Rita and I both giggled. We knew it was sneakers. Everyone who knew Chris knew he was incapable of gifting anything else.

"Wonder what it is?" I said. I pulled the paper from the box and revealed a bright orange box with a trademark swoosh across the front. The sneakers inside were gray and pink pastel running shoes. Trendy but simple. They were perfectly me. I stood and hugged Chris.

More gifts followed. Sharon pulled a lasagna out of the oven and we all ate in the living room, keeping the conversation light and avoiding any landmine topics. I enjoyed my entire family for the first time in a long time. Sitting there in the living room with my parents felt semi-normal.

Rita nudged me and pointed to her watch. I checked the time. It was getting late and we'd have to be on our way soon. I cleared my throat.

"Thank you, everyone, for the gifts. I love everything. Really. This is..." I specifically looked at my Mom. She locked eyes with me. My words stuck before they completely trailed off and I felt the sting of tears in my nose.

"Aww, she's getting emotional. We love you girl! Now off to my place for a girls night!" Rita swooped in and rescued me. I nodded in agreement. My words are hidden deep in my throat.