For Your Eyes Only

Nate's POV: First Day Back

"You don't have to start today," my mother tells me while sitting in her Traverse. "We can try again in another week. There's no rush."

"No, I don't want to get more behind."

I can tell she is nervous by the way she is chomping her gum. I can imagine her knuckles stressing white as she grips the steering wheel.

My mother laughs softly. "You're the smartest kid in this school, Natty. There's no way you could fall behind. Plus," she rubs my back affectionately, "I did a pretty good job on my end last year."

I roll my eyes behind the dark framed glasses I have taken a liking to since Trent gifted them to me for my birthday last year which I spent in the hospital. "Now you look like Zac Efron in one of those chick films," my friend had said with what I imagined was a strutt and a model turn around my hospital bed. The raybans may look cliche, but it bothers me when people can see my eyes and I can't see theirs.

"I would say I was more of the teacher and you the student," I joke and send a wiry smile her way.

She squeezes my shoulder once. "I would have to mildly agree."

There is silence once again in the car except for The Monkees singing out of my headphones which lay limply around my neck.

"Do you want me to walk in with you?" My mother offers when she sees my hand go for the car door.

"Declined," I say but I make sure I smile. I don't want her to think I don't care that she is probably more nervous than I am about returning to this place. "No offense Mom, but having your mommy walk you to class is sort of social suicide if not worst."

Not that I haven't already hit rock bottom when it came to the social ladder of high school. But I wasn't ready to dig my grave just yet by being known as the kid whose mother walked the to class on the first day of school to make sure he made it there okay.

"Right, right." She shuffles with what sounds like paper as she settles back into her seat. Nervous fidgeting, I note. "Sorry, sweetheart. I can't help but helicopter mom it when it comes to you navigating this place alone. It's been awhile."

"I know." Oh man, did I know.

When I was told that I was on the spectrum for being clinically blind after a chemistry experience went awry with my friends one afternoon, I imagined my life to be over. How does one live life when they can't see it happening right in front of them? How does one survive without all five of their senses?

I had gotten used to being homeschool, used to people treating me like I was the most fragile thing in the room, but I have not gotten used to people staring. Which is most definitely what I am going to have to indear today.

"I'll be fine, Mom." It's easier to tell her a little lie then to tell her the truth of the matter. I am terrified to step foot amongst these people.

She sighs and I feel her hand on my back again. I have gotten used to sensing when she is going to touch me but, then again, she's the only one that ever does. Everyone else acts like the world will go dim for them too if they come in contact.

By looking at me, you wouldn't be able to tell that I am blind. Even when I'm not wearing these sunglasses, I wear regular glasses just to distract those who happen to be looking at me. There isn't much movement in my eyes, which tends to throw people off.

I don't want to draw more attention to myself then necessary.

"I know. I'm sorry. I know." My mother brings me into one of those awkward side hugs that makes her seat belt stretch to its limit which restricts her from fully embracing me.