The Good, the Bad, and the Gwen | ✔️

40 - No Regrets

It's morning and my suitcase and backpack sit next to the MacKenna's front door.

For my last breakfast in New Orleans, Jolie makes flour-less pumpkin muffins, which don't look or taste like muffins at all. They're more like stiff, cupcake-shaped granola clusters, the pecan crumbles dropping off before I can even stuff them into my mouth. But she made them with love, so I choke one down before announcing I'm stuffed.

"I'm going to miss having you around," Jolie says when I slide my plate into the sink. "You're an absolute joy—you know that?" She pulls me into a tight hug,

"I'm going to miss being around." And it's true. I'm going to miss everything about this crazy city. The smells. The jazz music. The French Quarters and rickety streetcars. The diverse mix of natives with their intoxicating accents. I think I might even miss planning all of our daytime activities around the heat. "It feels weird going back to Ohio. I like it here, but I guess I do sort of miss home."

"I'm sure home misses you, too." She plants a kiss on the top of my head.

Penny's next. "Come here, you." She wraps her arms around me and I feel her quiver against my chest. "Don't be a stranger, ya hear? I want regular updates on what you're up to. School, boys, writing. Everything. Got it?" Her hands grasp my shoulders as she looks me in the eye. "There's a piece of my daughter inside of you, and that makes me feel closer to Hartley."

I promise to keep in touch and give her another hug. "Thank you for having me over this summer, and for letting me stay this past week. You didn't have to say yes, but I'm grateful you did."

"So am I." She cups my cheeks with her hands, her eyes brimming with tears. "You're welcome to come back and visit us any time, okay?"

I give her a nod just as there's a knock on the door. Sully lets himself in with his golden waves and crooked half-smile. "Good morning, ladies. Who's ready to fly back to Ohio?"

After another round of hugs and goodbyes, we load my bags into the back seat of Sully's SUV and wave to Penny and Jolie as we pull out of the driveway. I promise to call as soon I make it home safe.

I turn to Sully, twisting my fleur de lis bracelet around my wrist. "Thanks again for offering to take me to the airport."

"Thank you for letting me." He smiles. "Ready for our first stop?"

"Yep."

I lean back in the seat, tilting my face toward the warm sun shining in through the passenger window. The air conditioner moves the long hair around my full cheeks, which don't seem nearly as important as they did at the beginning of summer. That feels like forever ago. I've spent so much time preoccupied with their round shape and not nearly enough time taking advantage of every single moment the universe has to offer.

For a long time, I believed that if I could only fix the things about myself I wasn't happy with, my life would suddenly make sense and all of my insecurities would disappear. But I'm not perfect and never will be—no matter what my cheeks look like.

The world is full of imperfection, and that's okay. We don't need to be flawless, we just need to be ourselves, and to try our imperfect best to make the most of the cards we've been dealt.

Hartley's not buried in the touristy part of New Orleans. Instead, she's buried underground in a cemetery uptown. When Sully pulls into the long drive, we follow under a canopy of oak trees until her gravesite comes into view. It's easy to find because it's the only one without a proper headstone. Penny said it should be ready in a few months, but for now, anyone walking by will know Hartley recently passed. They just won't know her name.