Hearing Anna

ii.iv

MORNING COMES SLOWLY AS narcolepsy's wonderful side effect of insomnia takes reign in my mind. it isn't all sleep in this half of the world, not even while the moon sits perched outside my window. lisa sleeps, but i only pace.

perhaps it's just because of nerves for the evening to come that i am rendered jittery and awake. if that's the case, i don't want it to be. i haven't been this nervous about anything in my life, not pre- or post- events of last winter, and it's a strange feeling. my stomach churns and churns, turning over constantly.

but finally, the sun rises. i don't see the sun from our window, but the sight of light is incredibly visible on the landscape. the spires of the classes building are aglow with the sun's light, as are the tops of trees a little ways off. i face the west, but eastern light is not absent from my half of the world. no matter the perpetuity of western darkness, light still paints me in its pale film.

lisa, unlike the sun, does not rise from her deathlike state so easily. her feet peek out from the duvet, and her hair fans out in a tangle from under her pillow. she rarely wakes up before ten in the morning unless she has something to attend to.

her alarm goes off for five straight minutes before the beeping gets annoying. i stand on my toes so as to be level with her head, then shout, "get out of bed, you lazy arse!"

she isn't even startled by this. i hear a mumble of words from beneath the blankets. something like, "is today a calc day?" i shouldn't have to know, given that her schedule is nothing like mine, but her sleeping habits are like my smoking habit: she needs someone to keep the rest of her life in check because of it. i have a therapist; lisa has me.

therefore, i have memorised her morning schedule for school so that i can wake her up accordingly. "yeah, your calculus class starts in an hour. eight a.m."

slowly, her head rises beneath the blankets, and her dark brown eyes come into view, along with the rest of her face. if rats could confuse human hair for their nests, i imagine a whole colony of them would be nestled in her messy locks.

"do i have to go?"

quickly, i recall that she mentioned on monday that her final test before the end-of-term exam would be today. "yes."

she groans for an eternity. "shit."

"yes. wanna smoke?"

she's wary before she says no. she isn't as avid a smoker as me, isn't so intent on killing herself as i am, so she showers and i hang my head out the window as i smoke one of my last cigarettes, hoping that maybe today will be good.