(mine all mine) 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐨 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬

hows the weather?

tw! talks of anxiety and panic attacks

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ *ೃ༄

how's the weather over there, my love?

    you read the text on your phone when it buzzed, looking up across the room to find your boyfriend already looking at you. he gestured to your phone, urging you to reply. you bit your lip and started typing.

    it's okay, you replied, a bit cloudy.

    a bunch of matt and his brothers friends wanted to meet you, and a few friends of your own wanted to meet the boy that had swept you off your feet so swiftly. matt had orchestrated the whole thing- the people, the time, the place. matt liked planning things, he liked to be in control of those types of things (whether he showed it or not). and you were just the type of girlfriend who needed a time, a place, and you were there. so currently, you were seated in the boys's living room, gathered by a rather large group of people; half of whom you'd never met in your life before. and you were feeling quite... anxious. to say the least. large crowds always made you grow nervous. you knew this, even matt knew this. when matt proposed the idea of this hangout, your first instinct was wary. you felt uneasy about the fact that a good amount of people would be together in a small home- all to meet you. deep down, a really tiny, minuscule part of your brain told you no. you didn't want to do this. but you figured you were overreacting. you figured you'd be fine- hell, it was only matt's friends. and so you told matt you liked his idea, and here you were now, anxiously twiddling your thumbs as everyone conversed happily and mindlessly.

    thoughts had swirled through your mind endlessly. what if they don't like me? what if they don't think i'm good enough for matt? am i saying the right things? it was like your brain couldn't stop the cycle and flow of these thoughts. it felt like talking to matt's friends became a bit like trying to find your way through a corn maze.

    matt was quick to notice you demeanour change. he knew you were nervous, but he quickly saw that this was more than just nerves. something was up, and that was when he texted you. matt always knew when you felt worried, not because you said it, but by noticing the small changes in you. like when your eyes shifted or your shoulders tensed up. or when you nervously toyed with your hands, your hair, your clothes, or even your jewelry. he paid attention to how you breathed, picking up on the quiet signals of something wrong. it wasn't just watching for him; it was like he could feel just what you felt. when everything else was loud around you two, he focused on you, understanding the things you didn't say.

    his understanding went far beyond words, it was like a secret language of emotions the two of you shared. matt's touch became a safe haven for you, and you always knew you could rely on matt to be there for you. he was always going to be there for you, forever and always.

    matt frowned at your message, and he felt guilty that you felt anxious over something that he had planned. so the weather isn't ideal?

    not really. you took a deep breath inwards, exhaling your worries away. or at least you tried.

    it was a little thing that had started when you and matt started dating- asking how the weather was. it was a small little way of checking up on each other, because he knew communicating your vulnerabilities wasn't your favourite thing to do.

    chris and nick argued about something stupid, and everyone else seemed to be chiming in and adding to the conversation. you tried your best to stay focused on that instead of the way your hands seemed to shake every time you lifted them, or the way your chest seemed to be caving in on you. you faked a smile when everyone else laughed, but eventually you just needed some space.

    "you okay?" nick asked as you stood up.

    you nodded, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear. "yup, just going to the bathroom."

instead of going to the bathroom, you walked straight into matt's room, in desperate need of a distraction. but as soon as you closed the door behind you, it was like the walls were caving in on you and now suddenly you couldn't breathe and you felt incredibly dizzy and you couldn't feel your fingers or your toes and you forgot where you were- and suddenly it was all too much for you. you tried your hardest not to cry, because you didn't want to be known as the girl who cried when she met her boyfriends friends. you didn't want to do that- you couldn't be that girl. you couldn't, shouldn't, wouldn't.

you sat on the edge of matt's bed, trying to steady your breathing, but nothing you did really seemed to work. and after what felt like years, you heard a soft knock on the door before matt peeked his head in. matt had seemed to have been the only one to remember you left, and after a good chunk of time he decided to check on you.

"hey-" he said softly, "hey, hey, hey- hey, what's wrong?"

and as soon as he rushed over to you, kneeling down in front of you so you were eye to eye with him, you couldn't help but let the tears flow onto your cheeks. you cried quietly, closing your eyes and just succumbing to the overwhelming feeling of intense emotion. matt swiped your tears away with the pad of his thumb, gently caressing your knee with his other hand.

"i can't breathe-" you wheezed, taking shallow inhales.

"hey, hey, hey- yes, you can. you can breathe- can you breathe with me?" he said, and you tried to mimic his slow breaths, but it felt like you weren't getting anywhere with your hiccups interrupting. "what's up?"

"matt- i don't know, i'm sorry-" you cried, and you felt bad for ruining this day for him. he was so excited for you to meet everybody and now you were sitting here with him trying to recover from an anxiety attack. and you felt even worse for that.

"you don't have to be sorry, my love-"

"and i just- i don't know why i feel so anxious, but i just do an-and i feel like i haven't been nice enough to them all day, and now your friends probably think i'm a slut who can't wait for them to leave cause she's too needy for her boyfriend and i-" you rambled, on and on, and matt was quick to stop you with furrowed brows.

"woahwoahwoah- hey- breathe. breathe, it's okay, my love. you don't have to know why you feel anxious, it happens. trust me, i get it- i've been there. we've all been there. and you've been so nice to them, i can just tell they love you so much already. and i can promise you- they would never think that of you. let them think whatever they want to think. and hey, maybe i could be the one who's too needy for you." he explained with a soft voice, and he smiled when he made you chuckle. you were starting to feel better already, and you felt so grateful for how patient matt was with you. you knew it probably wasn't always easy, but he made it seem like the most simple task on earth. and you loved him for it.

    he stood up, holding his hand out for you and when you took it, he engulfed you in a giant bear hug. matt's arms wrapped around you made a safe space, like a shield from everything else. resting your head on his chest, you could hear his heartbeat, like a calming song. the simple act of holding each other brought a sense of peace, a promise that as long as you had each other, you were at home. the stitching in your heart was unraveling with each breath on your head, every brush of his fingertips, bursting forth with all its love from your heaving chest. he hugged you like he knew where it hurt; and you held on to him like without him, you'd never breath again. he was your oxygen, your lifeboat, your everything. he pressed a feather-light kiss to your temple, squeezing his arms around you extra comfortingly.

"how's the weather now?" he asked, pulling away.

"it's clearing up- it's starting to get a little sunny." you smiled, and he planted a kiss to your forehead.

—

AUTHORS NOTE !!
i really like how this one
turned out :))

loosely inspired by the book
i'm reading currently!

i hope everyone's having an
amazing week, ily all!

xo