The next week, Ethan was back at school, but he was skipping class more. He became more distant from Val, his mom, Dylan, Max, Sara, and Yaz. They were all worried about him, but he wouldn't talk about it.
One night, he was home alone because his father was out getting high and his mom was working. He had it all planned out; he was gonna write a letter to his mom, Val, Dylan, and Mrs. Flynn.
He started with his mom's letter first. He wrote it then put it in an envelope with the words, "I'm sorry." He then wrote Val's letter, he was going to mail it to her, same with Dylan's and Mrs. Flynn's.
Once he wrote all the letters, he placed the one for his mom on the kitchen table before mailing the others. He went back to his room and overdosed on his drugs.
Kris got home around midnight that night. She was going to give Ethan a new skateboard, so she had it in her hand. When she walked in, she placed her keys on the kitchen table. She saw the words, "I'm sorry" , and her heart dropped. "Ethan?!" She yelled as tears welled up in her eyes. She started running to Ethan's room, but when she opened the door, she saw Ethan dead on his bed. She rushed to him, "Ethan!" She shook him but nothing happened. She began to sob uncontrollably. "Please honey! Wake up!" she yelled, it was loud enough for the neighbors to hear. She checked his pulse, but nothing. She held him in her arms as Johnny walked in.
"What the fuck is up with the yelling?" Johnny asked before seeing it. He backed out and called 911 because he knew Kris was in no condition to. He went back into the room and pulled her off of Ethan. "She's gone, honey."
"He is a fucking he!" Kris yelled as she tried to push Johnny off of her. "My baby boy is gone!" she sobbed.
"The ambulance is on their way, come on," Johnny said. He was obviously high off of something, probably heroin.
Kris stood up and started to yell, "You are a fucking dick! He is our son and you don't even care that he's gone! This is all your fault! And you're fucking high right now!"
"She had always been a girl! She would never have been a boy. It's better that she's gone."
"Get out." Kris said, firmly through tears.
"What?" Johnny questioned.
"Get the fuck out," Kris said before pushing him out of the door, "Get the fuck out right the fuck now!" she sobbed. "You worthless dick!"
Johnny got pushed out of the house as the ambulance showed up. "Enjoy your funeral!"
Kris was a sobbing mess as the paramedics rushed into the house. They found Ethan, but they couldn't revive him.
"I'm so sorry, Ms. Riggs," one of the paramedics said to Kris, "We couldn't revive your daughter."
"Son," Kris said. "You couldn't revive my son." The rest of the night was a blur for her.
The next day, Kris got the letter and finally opened it. She read it in Ethan's room while wearing his jacket. The letter read, "I'm sorry, mom. I couldn't do it anymore. I was happy with Val and them, but when dad came back, I slowly fell into a depression again. He wouldn't stop calling me my deadname, saying weird shit, and so much more. I tried to stay here; I really fucking did, but I couldn't. It was all too much. I love you mom, and it's not your fault. You were one of the reasons why I held on as long as I did. You always accepted me as your son. I was always grateful for you. Please don't stop watching Killer Klowns or Golden Girls or anything because of me. I want you to keep those alive, okay mom? I love you. You need to know something about me. Put on my jacket and reach into the pockets. I'm sorry. Drugs are the only thing that helped me feel numb. I'm so sorry, mom."
Kris reached into the pockets of the jacket and got out the bag that was in it. She quickly realized what it was; it was a small bag of cocaine. That caused her to break down sobbing all over again.
Val had received her letter in the mail two days after it had happened, but she knew Ethan had died because Kris had told her. Val didn't go anywhere; she couldn't even get out of bed, but when she got the letter, she believed he was still there. She quickly opened the letter and read it; she read it in her head, but it was as if he was reading it to her. The letter read, "My love. I love you more than words can ever explain. I always did, even before we began dating. I knew I was falling in love with you when I would get butterflies just by seeing you. You are my whole world. If it wasn't for you, I would've never experienced true happiness. You allowed me to spend my last few months happier than ever. You made me happy. You caused me to stay for as long as I did. That night at the party, I never would've thought I had just talked to the love of my life. Valerie Reyes, you are the only person for me, but I am not the only person for you. Please find true happiness with someone, okay love? I don't want to be the reason you're not happy. You deserve happiness, you deserve everything that life has to offer. You are so fucking kind, you are so caring, you are very funny, you are incredibly beautiful, you are so sweet, and you know how to light up a room when you walk in. Your smile is so perfect. You're perfect. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Your parents don't matter. I am so proud of you and how far you've come since that night I hid in your closet. I know life is hard, but stay for me, baby. Don't give up. And please try to eat at least once a day for me. Don't stop going to our movie Fridays. If you ever have kids, take them. Make them watch Killer Klowns From Outer Space. Our special movie. -Ethan Riggs."
Val held the letter to her heart. She had begun to cry halfway through, but by the end, she was a sobbing mess. She couldn't imagine her life without him, but now she had to try. She knew she would never forget him, but she was terrified of forgetting how he smelled, spoke, walked, and even looked like. He was the love of her life. He made her feel a type of happiness that no one could ever explain.
Dylan hadn't heard the news yet, but he was worrying about where Ethan had been. When he received a letter in the mail, he didn't think anything of it, so he took it inside and read it in the living room with his dad there. He opened the letter and began to read it, "Dude. You're my best fucking friend. I love you, okay? Don't forget that, please. I know this will hurt you, but don't shut down. I know you tend to a lot, but please don't. It's okay to cry. Fuck your dad. Men do cry. I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't handle my depression anymore. I tried, but I couldn't. I hadn't really thought about how I would kill myself until I did it. I have always had thoughts obviously, but I was too chicken to do it. You were always there to help me through whatever I needed. I can never thank you enough. Ever since I fell off of my bike in second grade, you were there. You helped me wipe off the blood then and you still help me wipe off the blood. And the coke, weed, oxy, etc., but that's not the point. I know how your family is, but don't listen to them. It's okay to cry, Dylan. It's okay. It's okay to feel things. You are an amazing person by the way. You are so fucking funny, I don't think I had ever laughed so much except when we were hanging out. Stop saying the wrong shit to wrong people though, your nose has been broken way too many times. I know that one day, you'll find someone that loves you for you. I don't know what that person will look like, but it will happen. You are lovable. I mean look at me, I love you, so you can't be unlovable. Someone will find you handsome, funny, sweet, and lovable. Don't listen to people. You're not an asshole, okay? Please don't shut down. And don't forget me. Oh and take care of my mom, please. Don't let the friend group split up, please. I am so sorry for this by the way."
Dylan had tears welling up in his eyes the whole time he read the letter, so they were streaming down his face.
Dylan's dad saw that and said, "What the fuck are you crying for? Men don't cry."
"Not right now, dad," Dylan said in a hushed voice. His voice had cracked majorly, so he just grabbed the letter and envelope and ran to his room.
Mrs. Flynn had already heard the news because by the time she heard, it was all anyone could talk about. She thought it was her fault because she couldn't help him well enough. She received her letter in her mailbox at her office. She sat in her office as she read it, "Just to be 100% clear, I did not kill myself because you said por favor. Our sessions really did help me, I promise. My dad came home, so I fell into a deep depression and I couldn't find a meaning to life anymore. I know what I did was selfish because I hurt my friends, my mom, and Val, but I couldn't do it. Can you do me a favor? Can you check in on Val? She struggles a lot at home. Her parents are abusive. I feel really fucking bad about leaving her. She also struggles to eat. She goes days, even weeks, without eating. Now, I'm no therapist, but I think she has anorexia. Please make sure she eats, or she tries to at least. At least now that I'm dead, you can't tell me no cussing, so this one's for you, Mrs. F. Fuck, shit, pussy, ass, motherfucking, damn, bitch, bitch, damn, motherfucking, ass, pussy, shit, fuck. Speaking of pussy, I'm gonna tell you, Val tastes so fucking good. Anyways, I love you Mrs. Flynn and I hope you and your wife are able to adopt a child in the future. You'd make an amazing mom. Sincerely, your favorite therapee, Ethan Riggs."
