Trying to find my way

Unnoticeable Changes (15)

JHA (POV)

After Alia told Fria to just go home first because we will talk, Fria and Alia say both of their goodbye to each other and Fria goes to me and wispher go get her tiger she's been grumpy the whole time after you guys last saw and talk to each other and she wink at me..

I was a little bit confused by what she told me but none the least I give her a polite smile.

After that Alia and I decided that we will just going to talk, while we walk in a nearby playground.

So, how have you been??? Alia ask first.

I clear my throat and said I been doing fine. Which I don't but I cant tell that to her.

She stop in her track as well as I am we both look into each other's eyes but I did divert it the moment my eyes landed on her cause I don't want to be drown by her blue eyes.

I just stand still while my back is in one of the pole of the monkey bar without looking at her.

I hear her take a deep breath. Silence fell upon us for a few minutes until she decided to broke it.

Im sorry. She said. Hearing her said those words make me confused so I snap my head in her direction with forrow eyebrows. Im about to say something until she said no let me finish first.. So, I just nod my head and listen to her.

I didn't mean to ignore you or push you away after you confess your feelings to me, and I don't know how to react exactly so I guess pushing you away and ignoring you at that moment is what I thought is the best way, but I for myself know that it is not but I guess I'm just so stubborn to accept it myself.

I don't want you to think that you're not important to me because you are.

She takes another deep breath before continuing.

But im sorry because I don't feel the same about you. I like you a lot but only for a friend and nothing more than that. Alia confess

I know. I manage to say even though I don't know how I manage to say that because of to much pain that I fell in my chest so I continue to speak with a shaky breath. From the start I already know that.

It's just that I never expect that I have a chance to be this close to you. And my feelings for you would go deeper. Im sorry for the trouble that I cause for you and your friends.

She open her mouth and about to say something but I beat her to it and say

Don't worry I won't bother you and your friends anymore.

As I said last time.

It's should not be like this we can still be friends Alia answered.

After I hear her say this. I decided to be brave enough and summon everything in me to say this things to her because we all know I become a puddle when it comes to her contradicting to the fact that Im a bad ass in an underground fights.

I don't want to be friends with you Alia. I make it clear to you from the night that I confess everything to you. If we will still be friends Im just fooling myself.

I already fall for you even you are not aware of my existence. Crazy I know, but how do you expect me to not be buried deeply if I still become your friend.

You might not understand Ali, but I can't go back anymore.

Im sorry I said again for I don't know how many times already.

She laugh without humor. So let me guess this is goodbye??

She looks me in the eye like never before.

I feel like every part of my body and system just going to give out from the way she is looking at me right now and then a tear roll in her eyes one drop and then another one until it falls non stop in her beautiful face.

It takes every ounce in me not to wipe it myself.

And that is the last time and the last moment that we saw each other.

I continue my life living like before.

I don't feel anything.

I did everything I want.

I keep myself busy to everything

I got involved in a lot of things not just from underground fights anymore.

But I got deeper connection and deeper involvement in Madrift business.

If before he only wants my name and some of my time for appearance in his business now it's more like Im the one that takes everything in control.

He in more thankful to me though as he said before he wants to focus on his family.

So me taking over everything and doing everything for him gave him time to spend it with his family.

Although sometimes he is contacting me but only when it is very important.

Besides I still got a help from Adrian.

We run the mafia side by side no one is higher we are both equal in running this business.

But so much has change on me not only in my life but also in myself.

It's been a year now from that moment.

The moment that me and Alia last see each other.

A lot of things has change.

I force myself not to see her.

To avoid all the places that I might bump into her.

So I stayed and spend most of my time in slam area where most crime happened and run a mafia business in there.

I never though before to do this.

It doesn't even cross my mind but then again one day I just wake up and Im already involved.

Not just with one legs buried but Im already suffocating myself and I can't already get out of this whatever I'm doing.