Discovering myself (18+)

50. In the limbo

Andrew's POV

"So, what do you think?"

"Sure," I replied to James having no idea to what.

"C'mon man, what is wrong with you?"

"What?" I raise my eyes that were focus on my glass the entire time, to observe him sighing, looking tired at me.

"You can't be that stupid to flight the girl here and think she means nothing to you".

"Why it is so important to you anyway?"

I sip my drink annoyed once again reminding the conversation I had with my friends and how much they are pushing me about her. The second I replied to their questions I comprehended I lied; it was when I knew it when I feel it. She meant more than I wished to admit.

I don't understand it, I have no fucking idea what is happening and why everyone has to meddle themselves, to label whatever is going on, to pressure me about it, to make me confess for whatever I don't even know myself.

First my sister, now my friends, we were better on our own, I shouldn't have come here, I should have stayed with her at my place.

All I wanted was to have a good night with her, leading her to taste different types of beers, I have chosen this pub because of the tasting option. And then make her savor the different tapas, observe her grimacing at first, because she is not comfortable with something new, and then appreciating her face lighting up and how she is pleased with what she has just tasted even if she will never confess it. Although I know her enough to distinguish it.

"Why avoid it?" He challenges me, I snort at his question, I'm not avoiding anything, just don't see where it could go, why discuss this anyway.

"What you want me to tell you? I don't do relationships I don't believe in them you know it".

"You are too old for this shit man", I watch him for a minute, he is happy as I have never seen him before and I know the reason why. He is in love and now getting engaged. Although I can't ever see myself in the same situation, spending the rest of my life with the same person, trusting someone in my life like this, even if he deems it is shit and it is a fucking excuse, I can't.

Not after my whole life is being a mess because of failed relationships, I can't name one that has been good. My parents failed exceptionally and worst they drag us with them, me and my sister, and I can only see it ending in one-way, with fights, betrayals, and destroying everything around while failing. So why should I do it?

I won't set in my sister in another failure, make her and myself believe again things could work when they never do.

I'm here hearing James now telling me about his engagement, and all that crap when I check my clock again, remarking it is been more than thirty minutes since Kelsey has been away.

I sip my drink again and scan around to see if I can find her, placing my glass on the table and getting up to search for her, I'm getting worried something might have happened.

It's when I'm standing to leave the table that I notice them. Noah has been gone for a time and I assumed he was flirting with some girl to take home later, but never have I thought he was with Kelsey.

Observing them I slightly hear James saying, "I didn't know you were that insecure."

I don't mind paying attention or answer it, Noah has his arm around her shoulder and she is fucking laughing about something he said, what is she laughing about?? The guy is not funny, I know my best friend.