Just Me Again.

6: Unwanted Memories

SILAS HARRISON

The next morning I woke up with a severe headache. I groaned when I tried to move and my sore neck pained. "God," I whispered and looked around to see raising sun through the window wall of my office. I looked around to see that I was on the floor, there was an empty glass resting over the table, my tie and my coat were lying over the floor carelessly and one of my shoes was missing. I sighed and rubbed my head – why did I drink so much last night? I thought.

"Tell me, Maria – who is it? Your boyfriend?" All of a sudden I remembered asking her that last night when I called her.

"Yes." Her words brought back the ache in my heart. She has a boyfriend now. Just the thought of her kissing someone else, loving someone else – gives me the greatest amount of heartache. But then, she wanted that – she wanted to move away.

I remember the time when Charlie was in the hospital and I went to see her. I remember each word Maria said to her – unknowingly that I was listening. That day I went to bring Maria something to eat while she refused to leave Charlie's side. I decided to bring her sandwich and when I came back I heard Charlotte's voice. I was delighted to know that she was awake. I couldn't stop myself and hear her say as I stand behind the slightly opened door of her hospital room.

"Maria, I didn't expect it to come from you. Look at yourself! You fought so bravely. Whenever I have doubts in my mind – I think about you. I think how bravely you fought against all odds. And that gives me the courage to stand for myself – to fight – just like you did." I remember her saying to Maria.

"Charlie, I am not so strong. I might show like I am all right but, I am not. I die every day. I am bound to these crutches. And I can't get away from these or from the fact that I might not be able to walk on my own – ever again." I heard Maria's shaky voice. "Sometimes – sometimes, I just wish that I could have gotten away from it so, that I could have been walking freely on my own or maybe I wouldn't have suffered so much. I think selfishly sometimes, what if – what if I never met Silas. How my life would have been then? "I heard her sniffing as she spoke. "I don't want you to have doubts about your own. I want you to live your life freely – without getting hurt physically or – mentally." Her words broke me that day. I remember Charlie seeing me through the slightly opened door. She was about to say something, but I shook my head and stopped her. I didn't want Maria to know that I heard her.

Before Charlie was admitted to the hospital I was planning to ask Maria to go on a date with me – to try to give me a second chance – to give us a try. I couldn't do it after hearing her. She wanted to be free. Free from all the pain that I caused her and if that what will make her happy then – I decided that I will not stop her – and I didn't. I let her go – even though watching her leave gave me a thousand deaths.

I shook my head and pushed the unwanted memories in the back of my head – she moved on. She must be happy and I should be happy that she is happy. I don't want to think more about it. With that – I got up on my feet and flinched as I felt a severe ache in my head. I groaned and pressed my temples with my fingers. "Oh, God," I mumbled and looked around to see my messy office. Good thing that it was Saturday. My employee won't have to see the mess that I have created.

After using the bathroom and taking painkillers – I called Marcus and asked him to send his driver to pick me up from the office. I was in no condition of driving on my own. I left the office messy that morning and went to sleep again as soon as I reach my penthouse. I woke up sometime later when I heard my cellphone ringing in my pocket. At first, I ignored it, but because it was continuously ringing – I irritatingly answered the call without even looking at the caller's identification.