A Beautiful Mess.

27.

Tuesday.

I barely got a wink of sleep last night. All I could think about was Mak and his eye and everything that was wrong. I was tossing and turning the whole night trying to find a strategy that would help Mak out of this problem but all my ideas were of no good. I felt this urge to fix this for him and it frustrated me that I didn't know how.

It was after school and I was exhausted from the day I had had but I was glad to be home early and I had space to myself seeing that Sindi wasn't home.

I got changed and made myself lunch and an after school snack while I did my homework and before I knew it I was done and didn't know what to do to pass time. I went into my bedroom, grabbed the box and took a seat on the bed. I then went through it's contents again. There were tons of unopened envelopes with my mother's name in her handwriting on them so I assumed it was more of the letters that she wrote to herself.
I picked one out and contemplated on whether to open it and after much deliberation I decided to just open it.

8 April 2003

The letter was dated the day of my birth. I found myself breathing heavily. I didn't know whether to read further or to put the letter back in its envelope. The thought that my mother wrote this on my birthday was what scared me most for some odd reason. I think I felt like it wasn't my place but then again she did leave this for me.

Once I had sorted my emotions out I finally got the courage to read further.

Today was the day my baby girl was finally brought into the world and the day I become a mother. Holding her in my arms I felt beyond blessed and my heart was filled with so much warmth and peace. God has given me a gift and I am beyond grateful. When I see her I see the future. I see power and grace. I see everything that is good and that's why I've decided to name her Melokuhle, the one who stands for good.

Reading this I found myself smiling. It was almost as if my mother's joy from this day was passed over to me. My mother always used to tell me about the meaning of my name but reading about it from the day she decided to give me that name brought about a different feeling. A feeling of love. At that moment it felt as if I could feel my mother's love again and the sense of security I used to get from her I felt right there in that moment. But also in that moment I realized how much I missed her and how I wish she was here with me today.

In that same envelope I found a picture. It was a picture dated the same day as the letter. In the picture my mother is seen carrying me in her arms, what looks like a few minutes after my birth. She looked so happy, that smile I missed dearly.

I returned the letter and picture back into the envelope and put it back inside the box. This box held so much mystery and I just couldn't wait to explore it.

I then grabbed Luniko's water console and stared at it for a while.

Life was easier then.

I thought it was finally time to return this since he said he wanted it back so I sent him a message asking to meet on Friday so that I could return it. Even though I was not ready to talk about his whole situation with Siya, I still felt like I needed to return it so that I could move on with my life. I mean they're keeping secrets from me, that clearly means they want to move on with this friendship so why shouldn't I?

***
"Come on, this one is too easy you can get it"

"Eish, repeat the question again?" Senzo asked while he scratched the back of his head.

"What is the difference between intermediate and final goods?"

"Ah Melo can we take a break please, my brain hurts" he whined and I nodded. I went through the rest of the questions while he drank water from his water bottle and blankly stared at me.

"Staring is rude you know that" I said , not lifting my eyes from my book.

"How did you know I'm staring at you?"

"I could feel it"

Today Senzo and I agreed to meet for a study session in the library after school because we were writing an economics test the day after so we were going through past papers and essays.

"Let me see the essay I asked you to write"

"I didn't do it"

"Ah Senzo"

"I didn't have time Melo, really, I really wanted to do it but my mom disrupted me and forced me to jog with her."

"Couldn't you have told her that you're studying"

"I could've but I chose not to... My parents are going through a divorce and she's not taking it too well so..." he shrugged.

"I'm sorry to hear that" I said and he nodded again still not uttering a word.

"...Come on, let's go out" I offered.

"Where?"

"Outside. We need a change of scenery"

We really did need a change if scenery. After being stuck in the library for an hour I thought it was best we changed locations and got some fresh air. So we got our books and our bags and went to the soccer field. We put our things in the middle of the field and sat down on the grass in silence as we enjoyed the peace and quiet of the school hours after school ended.

Senzo laid down and stared at the sky while my eyes wandered around the place.

"Lay down" he said.

"Senzo my hair? On this grass, uh no thanks I'll pass" I replied and he got up, took is blazer off and placed it on the grass next to me.

"There now you can lay your head there without messing your hair up"

"Mxm...thanks" I said under my breath and laid my head on his blazer which smelled like cologne and mint for some odd reason. I blankly looked up at the sky and found myself slowly falling asleep. I tried fighting my eyes from dozing off but it was a battle I was slowly losing.

Senzo was silent next to me almost as if he was deep in thought. The silence just added to my building temptation to fall asleep here in the middle of the school soccer field.

"What do you see?" He asked, breaking the silence and snapping me out of the state of sleep I was about to embark in.

"Hmmm?"

"What do you see?"

"I see clouds and the sky" I answered, very confused about where this was going.

"Come on, think outside the box"

"I just see clouds Senzo, I don't know what else you want me to see"

"Well I see figures...like that one, it looks like an old man with a pipe or that one that looks like an elephant. See? You try it"

Weird.

"Okay...well I see a hand, if that's something" I said clearly still very confused.

...

"You know the way someone interprets a cloud can tell you so much about them. About where their mind is at or how they think."

Yoh hay' Senzo is confusing me, what's with him being so deep and stuff today

It was silent again for a second then I heard him sigh and say "You're the only one that knows about the divorce... please don't tell anyone"

"It's not my business to go around telling people about your issues at home so, I wont"

"...Thank you"

It was strange to have Senzo tell me about his parents divorcing. It was a weird feeling having him tell me something so personal but I felt special as well. It meant that he thought that I was trustworthy, more trustworthy than his own friends. But why didn't he at least tell Nonhle about what was happening, I mean they are dating. But then again Nonhle is quite judgmental and not a very sympathetic person. Maybe he felt like he wouldn't get as much support from her if he told her. Whatever the reason, I still felt appreciated that he trusted me so much.