Kisses after midnight (WICKED #0) | ✓

17

HER HEAD WAS BURSTING the next day. She groaned in her pillow, regretting every choice she had made, before everything from last night came back to her all at once. Her grip on her blanket tightened as she thought about Mateo's love declaration, about the way he had send her off without even talking to her. He was always like that, so closed off, no matter how much like an open book he seemed.

She threw her pillow at the wall, frustration building inside her. He had said it was obvious and with someone else it might have been, but not with Mateo. It had been years for him to show a real emotion, she knew that, had seen firsthand how he had changed. They had grown even closer after his father's death, but she had known his flirtations which followed were nothing more than a simple distraction from the pain for him. Everything had been, his fights, his cocky smile, his reckless behavior. He acted like he cared, but she could see the walls behind it all.

So though he called her baby girl and smiled at her like he did to no one else, she didn't think anything of it. She denied it when people asked if they were together, but she never stopped him from doing it either. It wasn't like she didn't know people thought she was stupid for not noticing, even though she long had. However, if for Mateo flirting was the way to forget his pain, she would let him talk all he wanted. She would do anything for him, even if that meant she'd get feelings for him in the process as well. Anything, but take advantage of his vulnerable heart.

All those people telling her they should just date, when she knew Mateo was just clinging to whatever warmth he could find in those terrible times. He needed her then, more than ever, and she would be that rock for him. It didn't matter that she felt her heart beat faster whenever he teased her, it didn't matter at all. Through it all it had never been about her feelings, always about Mateo's; that's the way it should have stayed.

Even though he flirted with her, she knew he wasn't ready for a relationship. He just wanted someone to be there for him and even though he tried to act like he had healed, she still could spot his pain easily, only there to see for the world whenever he got himself in another reckless fight.

She was frustrated, so frustrated at herself for getting drunk and breaking things which weren't whole in the first place. Their friendship had to stay that way, not for her, but for him. Of course he had told her he had loved her ever since they were twelve, since he had lost his world and clung to her instead. She had known that and yet she had taken advantage of it by flirting back with him, like she always had wanted.

Oh God, she was horrible.

Her focus should've been on getting Jay and Sahar to become good students, not on making Mateo more confused. She should've been trying to get away from St Joseph and build a better life. For herself, for her family... and for Mateo. The big, warm house she had envisioned later had been for them as well, when he had healed enough to truly love again.

Never had she expected him to give her a love declaration though, not after he had kept all his emotions hidden inside all these years. If it had been him years ago he would have just smiled and flirted along, though his eyes would have been as empty as ever. Was he perhaps healing, after all?

No, she couldn't think selfishly like that. She loved him, but not in the same way he did. She loved him so much she wanted him to have the world, heal softly and gently; he loved her as if she was his world. And she couldn't become his world for him, couldn't increase his worries and burdens even more.

The fact that the light spilling in had woken her instead of him was enough to prove her point. He was probably thinking something stupid again, like that he was the one causing her trouble, instead of the fact that she was the horrible one in this. So she climbed out of bed, washed her face and stared in the mirror, at her tired face.

What answer should she give him? What answer was the right one, the one which wouldn't break his heart but keep him from worrying as well?

She didn't know, but that was of no matter. There was no need for her to think of the perfect reply right now, as long as she made sure he wasn't worrying for too long.

So she headed towards the window, opened it and climbed across the tree towards his. It was wide open, so she jumped through it easily, only to find him staring at the ceiling. When he noticed her, his eyes widened, but before he could shout in surprise she put her hand on his lips.

"Shush," she said," you'll wake your mother."

It wasn't that early, but she knew his mother worked late shifts in the weekend and Gabriela wasn't about to be the reason to keep the sweet woman from the few hours she could get. She sat down on the side of his bed, her hand off his lips as soon as their eyes met. Though Mateo acted casual, she could feel his eyes following her every move.

"Are you alright?" he said.

It seemed like a simple question, but she knew it wasn't.

"I am," she said, grabbing his hand to emphasize it.

He still didn't seem convinced though, so she placed her other hand on his cheek, to force him to look at her, to truly look at her.

"Everything's alright between us, Mateo," she said," and it always will be."

Relief washed over him, the tension in his shoulders dissipating when he saw she was acting normal. His flash of emotions was gone as soon as it came and he smiled at her then, that usual lazy smile of his.

"You'd think a man's love declaration would be enough to shake even the cold Gabriela Ruíz up."

"For that I'd have to think of you as a man," she teased, pinching his cheek with her hand.

An offended expression came across his face as he placed their interlaced hands on his heart.

"You hurt me, Gabriela," he said.

No Nena. No flirtatiously pulling her towards him to ensure she knew just how much of an effect he had on women. They were both pretending everything she was fine, but she could see he was carefully testing out the boundaries, wondering as much as her how much had been shattered last night and how much could be repaired.

"How are you?" she said then, her voice airy despite how important the question was.

"I'm fine as well," he smiled, squeezing her hand," don't you worry about me."

She placed both her hands on his cheeks then, leaning in towards him as she placed a kiss on his forehead. He inhaled sharply when her lips touched his skin and when she closed her eyes, she just wished she could take all his pain away.

"You know I always will," she said, letting him go and standing up from the bed," but that isn't a bad thing, Mateo."

He looked like so vulnerable when she glanced back at him, his eyes wide and his hair messy, his naked torso dusted with scars caused by grief.

"I just don't want to be a burden to you," he whispered.

She went on her knees for him and when she looked at him, she made sure to speak as clearly as possible.

"You will never be a burden to me," she said," never, you hear me? So don't you worry about things like that." She stood up then, ruffling his hair. "Everything's fine."

When she climbed back through the window, her heart still felt as troubled, but her headache was gone.