Seeing Shane Gray ✓

twenty six | tougher

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November 6

Three days Shane doesn't come to school.

I wait for him. I wait for him to show up, appear suddenly around a corner or out of the blue. I expect to see him running around the football field with the rest of his team. I expect him to be seated next to Carlos at his regular table in the school cafeteria.

He's nowhere to be seen.

"I've tried calling him," Carlos tells me when he finds me in the parking lost at the end of the day. "His number's out of reach. Has he answered you?"

I don't answer, not wanting to tell Carlos that I don't even have Shane's number. Regardless, I had expected him to at least call or text me to let me know he wouldn't be coming back on Friday. Even if he didn't do that, the least he could do is text me later on to let me know he's okay. Doesn't he have an idea that I might be worried? 

Okay, fine, maybe he's not expecting me to worry. We're not technically dating and we're not even very close friends. Just because Shane freaked out when I fainted or carried me halfway across the school, accompanied me to the doctor, twice, asked me out, also twice, promised me he'd tell me if he ever thinks of hurting himself, and told me he's liked me since before Carter died, does not mean we're anything but strangers. Nope. Why would I even assume such a thing?

"I might go to his house today," Carlos tells me, running a hand through his hair which, I've learned, is something he does quite often.

I've also learned that Carlos is a actually a pretty bipolar person. One minute he's being the nicest guy on the planet, second only to Shane Gray, the next he's making fun of some girl's dress or some guy's voice. He also laughs often and smirks way too much. Despite it all, though, he's not a bad guy at heart.

Which is surprising considering I hated his guts not too long ago.

I haven't talked to Riley yet -- because I don't know if Carlos is telling the truth or not -- and Carlos is willing to wait. He says he's okay with Riely Knowing about Gemma as long as his grandma doesn't get hurt. It's weird, me helping him fool an old lady. I focus on the motive behind the act, though, which is that he doesn't want his grandma to be disappointed in him.

He also wants to take over the family business, selfish little bastard.

"I'll call you if I see him," he says.

I simply nod, trying not to feel rejected by Shane. The sense of disappointment lingers, though, especially since he's gone and I don't know where or how he is. He could be hurt for all I know.

During a free class the next day, I sit with Racheal and Riley in the cafeteria and poke the lentil cake mom had made me for lunch. I hate the cake but I can't help but eat it. Mom spent an hour in the morning making sure it was edible. After all the effort she's putting into following my diet plan, the least I can do is eat the stupid cow-dung-colored cake.

Someone slumps down into Marla's empty seat next to mine because she's still locked in room because she can't get over Hashir which I really can't blame her for. I look up lazily and freeze.

Shane Gray smiles at me, his gray eyes sparkling despite the circles under his eyes. He looks almost the same as ever in his designer coat and button-down. Almost, because the pale tinge to his skin and cracks in his lips give him away. Nonetheless, his smile is enough to distract anyone from his state.

"Where's Marla?" he asks casually, gazing around the table.

Both Riley and Racheal stare at Shane, blinking in confusion with their mouths hanging open. I clasp my lunchbox shut and try not to react, waiting for Shane to give me an explanation for his sudden disappearance. It would hurt for him to simply say hello to me.