Teri Meri Chemistry. 📚 ✔

Chapter 16

Rise Again.

I walked back on the same steps without being heard. I walked out of the corridor silently and into the rainy ground. I continued walking as far as the path took me without realising. How could I be so stupid to think that he had changed? How naive was I to think that there was a possibility of us? Assholes like him never change. They never care. These playboys just play with your feelings and then go around looking for someone else. They get bored of you. Well, everybody gets bored of me. I ain't that interesting to keep someone hooked for a long time. But how incredibly stupid of me to fall for his trap? Did I really think he liked me? Did I really think that he enjoyed the company of a boring plain jane?

Wow, slow claps Faara.

Boys like him never fell for girls like me. What was even I? A plain boring brown girl with average looks and nothing of interest really. I had always been the second choice and never the priority. Be it my parents, my friends or my love life. What was I even thinking? That someone whom I hated for three years would suddenly change and his world woulf start revolving around me? That he would make me his priority? That he would tell me the things I had always secretly wished to hear? No. It never happened like that. This isn't a fairytale. I was always replaceable with the better. There's this constant fear that one day someone way better would come and steal the person who you love. They would be so much better than us. They would be everything that we are not and the constant fear of losing them eats you everyday and everytime you're alone with your thoughts. I was always scared to lose him and deep down I always knew in my heart that I would. But I didn't realise it would hurt this much to face the realities of my life. It sucked that I had grown attached to him. It hurt that he was not going to be around anymore. It broke me that the person who made me whole was the only one making me collapse again. Why was I the only one to suffer everytime? Why did I allow him to break my walls and enter my territory? Why was I so vulnerable when it came to him? Only one answer. Love! I had fallen in love with that asshole and everything that falls is bound to break somehow. It was my mistake only and not his. Because he never said anything to me. It was only I who assumed that he enjoyed my compant as much. That he also felt the same. That he was opening up with me. He was only sympathetic towards me. He never felt any sort of bond or connection between us. He just helped me because I was in trouble. He would have done the same even if it was anyone else. Just because he laughed with me, shared some stuff or helped me or made me happy or was my partner in a boring project didn't mean that he felt the same.

Our chemistry project might have been the best but our chemistry sucked. I curse the day when he became my partner. I curse the day when he first helped me. Why couldn't he stay the same asshole that he always was? Why did he tell me everything? Why did he make me fall when he had no intention to catch me?

I hated him. I loathed him. Nobody had done this to me. First he made my life hell here in this place. I was never able to make friends and hangout with anybody. He was the reason behind all my miseries. The racism, the bullying and everything. He invaded my boundaries without my permission first and then acted like a complete asshole for three years. He never bothered to apologize even. One apologizes when he feels he is wrong. He never felt he was wrong because he didn't even care about the other person's feelings. Just because he didn't have a heart didn't mean everybody else was like him too. He never cared before and he didn't care now. He told me the other day that he wasn't playing around. He wasn't playing around, truly because this time he was planning something even worse. Something that would make the last ounce of good feelings and respect that I had for him vanish away. And he succeeded in it too because I had made a complete fool out of myself.

The thunder made me return to reality from my trance and I looked around my surroundings. I was standing in the middle of nowhere. My clothes and hair were completely wet. Everything was falling apart. I was falling apart and this time there was no one to hold me and so I fell. I fell to the ground and all the streams of tears made their way out, grabbing the opportunity of my vulnerable moment. There was nothing I could do. Absolutely nothing. How powerless we are. We can't even make someone be good to us. And here I was expecting someone way out of my league to fall in love with me. What an idiot!

The only thing I could do now was to avoid him, maintain my distance and never meet him again after one month. I would pretend like nothing ever happened and everything was normal. I would be back to my original pessimistic self because that was my true nature. I wouldn't sulk over stupid playboys because they weren't worth my tears. That's it. I was strong enough to handle this. I had survived the worst and this was nothing in front of that. Picking myself up, I walked towards my house. In the end, you only have yourself to help you. You have to be your own hero and your own saviour and not wait for some stupid knight in a shining armour to save your sorry ass. I was never a damsel in distress and I would never be one!

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