Chapter Seventeen: Revelations

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Just now, as the hot water releases the tension of my muscles and the soap tickles my face, just now I understand how my reaction must have seemed exaggerated. Should I apologize? With Strauss, and especially with Arthur? After all the things we've been through together...

I get out of the tub and start dressing up. A hot bath is exactly what I needed to clear my head.

A knock on the door makes me turn around.

"Come in."

It's Charles.

"You ready? Can we go?"

"Yeah, sure."

.........................

We arrive in camp with the sun already low on the lake, a view I will never get used to.

"Charles, Fred. Dutch wants to speak with you."
I turn around and exchange a look with Hosea asking him silently what this is about, but he does everything he can not to make me understand, so I look at Charles, who simply nods at Hosea and leads the way.

It's pretty clear that I will get into trouble for my actions, but Charles, he did nothing that needs a punishment.

We find Dutch seated on the chair in front of his tent, elbows on his knees, deep in his thoughts. We don't need to announce our presence, he looks up at us and then stands with a sigh.

His severe look makes me lower my gaze on the grass under my feet.

"Where have you been?" he inquires.

"I needed to think" I say before Charles could pronounce a single word.

"I hope you cleared your head" replies Dutch with a tough tone.

I nod, keeping my gaze low.

"I need you to do something for me."

The unexpected request gives me the strength to look up at him.

"You have to find Trelawny."

I turn my head towards Charles who just like before nods silently. Am I the only one here who didn't expect to receive a job?

"You'll find his caravan north of Rhodes. I'll talk to Arthur as soon as he comes back and tomorrow morning you'll go."

He stares at me and I think that what he wants me to understand is that this job is a way for me to catch up after today. Yeah, I got the message.

"Good, you can go" he says in the end.

With Charles we move to the rest of the camp and it is at this moment that I spot Strauss in the distance, seated at his table with his nose buried in his ledger. The rage and the dismay rise again, but I try to repress them with all myself and instead I turn to look at Charles and thank him for everything he has done for me today. As we part, I head towards the loan shark repressing all my bad feelings.

"Herr Strauss."
He raises his eyes on me.

Oh Lord, say these words is harder than I thought. I feel my tongue stuck to the bottom of my mouth, just like my body is fighting against itself.

"I just wanted to apologize for my behavior today. It was too much. It's true that... I don't like what you do, but to accuse you in that way wasn't right."

I wait for an answer that doesn't come and as I stare at him, the only thing he does is take a brief nod before returning to his ledger.

I take a deep breath, repressing the instinct to yell at his face, and instead I move away, to the scout campfire, where I sit and take out my revolver.

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